♀ fidahdah ♀

#214

2011-05-31T22:05:00.003+08:00

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you the most now, what else matters? She’s not perfect. You aren’t either, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day but she will give you a part of her. So don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she’s not there.

xoxo

# 213

2011-05-29T20:01:00.004+08:00

I'm so imperfect but yet, this adorable guy up here still love me. Hehehehe.

Thank you for that baby (:

Hello boyfriend, happy nine months and eight days' old to us!

Yayy'ness! InsyaAllah there's a whole lot more to come, amin.

xoxo

#212

2011-05-16T02:45:00.005+08:00

Dear boyfriend,

I just wanna let you know that you're the best gift sent by above. I never knew your love for me could be this strong. I appreciate all those sacrifices you've made for me. I never say your perfect but i fell in love with all your imperfections baby. You have your own flaws. So do i. I know i should not compare you with anyone. I'm sorry. At times, i can be silly without knowing it. I've lost too many people in my past live, before i met you. And as each person left me, i thought i could not live life as it is. I thought i could not live my life without them by my side. But you know what? I was wrong. I should thank each and everyone of them for coming, for sharing their lives with me and for leaving me after they are done loving me. Why? Because if not, i won't get to meet a guy like you. I won't get the chance to get to know a guy like you. And i won't get to be with a guy like you, won't be able to share part of my life with someone like you. You knew how much i wanted to have a guy who will stay with me right from day one to the very end. You knew how much i wanted to be cared and love by someone who do it sincerely from the bottom of his heart. You tried your best to give me to provide me with whatever's needed. You blamed yourself at times, for not doing a good job in taking care of me. You even called yourself useless. You blame the national service. Why? Because to you, its because of that, you could not spend more time with me. But baby, everything's enough. I'm just as happy as we already are right now. Even with those unnecessary/unneeded things that strike us here and there, testing our patience, trying to tear us apart, you do know that whatever it is, no matter how hard the situation gets, i never wanna lose you baby. Five days to our nine months of being together. InsyaAllah we will go far. I don't wanna find yet another guy. I just wanna be with you, stick with you. I simply wanna grow old with you baby. And i can't let these eyes this heart to see you with another girl. I can't. These eyes this heart do not wanna go through yet another round of heartache. Another round of suffering. Another round of emptiness. Don't want. And if i had one wish, i would rewind back the time and search the world for you instead of wasting my time on those jerks. So that, you would be the first guy to own me. You do know your the first ever boyfriend whom i spend the most lessest time with and even though your ain't my first true love, bare in mind that you've been the best for me throughout my nineteen years in this earth. And if ever in the future for a reason or another, we were meant to seperate, i won't blame you. Not even a bit. My mind my heart will think of you the most. Those unforgettable memories will be forever stick with me til the day i close my eyes. Why? Because you taught me what's love is all about baby. Period.

xoxo

# 211

2011-05-05T19:38:00.002+08:00

It's true that setting someone free from your life is the hardest thing to do. It's not the tears you cried that makes it so hard. But it's the small piece of hope left inside your heart. That someday, you would still end up together.

# 21o

2011-04-24T14:49:00.008+08:00

When someone walks out of your life, let them. There's no use in wasting your time on people who left you. What you make of yourself and your future is no longer tied to them. Yeah, you may miss them. But remember, you weren't the one that gave up.

# 2o9

2011-04-21T04:51:00.004+08:00

He broke my heart. She broke yours. Now, we complete each other.

Hehehehehehe.

Happy Eight Months' Old favourite boy ^^

xoxo ♥

#2o8

2011-04-05T04:09:00.004+08:00

Sayang. I see playfulness, i see care, i see taking turns and i see giving in. Throughout the journey, i met several boys along the way but none of them can beat your love. Why? Because the rest simply suck. I love you my botak but adorable Boyfriend. Four more days to POP ohh! Meoww ^^

# 2o7

2011-03-21T04:15:00.004+08:00

Hi sayang ♥

I promise to grow old with you, to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and in bad, with all i have to give and all i feel inside the only way i know how.

Happy Seven Months' Old ♥

#2o6

2011-03-18T16:30:00.005+08:00

_ _ _

When you are struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something. And to them, it is just as hard as what you are going through.

your one and only tebabom, xoxo.

#2o5

2011-03-10T04:40:00.004+08:00

Fourfiftyfour in the early morning. Meoww.

♥ Hi my one and only handsome sayang, how have you been? Where are you? Guess what? Your girlfriend haven't been sleeping for three nights straight. sorry baby. I've just finished watching 'Nur Kasih' on youtube. Guess how long it took me to finish up the whole series? I managed to catch episode one til ten from one plus inthe early morning til five plus yesterday. And then i fell asleep and woke up at four plus just now afternoon and then continue to watch from episode eleven til the twentysixth just few hours ago. My eyes swollen already now. nyek. Don't blame me okay? The drama damn sad please. Damndamndamn sad )_:

Bey, its Thursday! (:

One day to go and i seriously can't wait for your return sayang. Miss you so much. A lot. And your girlfriend goodgirl know. My legs itchy and i miss the dancefloor. Its like calling for me but you came into my mind and i stayed home please. Meoww. What am i doing right now? Lying down infront of the lappy and i'm smiling at the same time. Why? Because i'm listening to your voice. Prrrrr. The two videos of you i took using my phone, last december before you went off for NS. I'm glad i took these videos. I watched them whenever i miss having you here with me. This week i work one day only please. Pathetic right? I know right. For the next four weeks, i am so gonna request for more shifts. Gotta Bali trip this coming june. Haven't even save up. Grrrrr! Baby really hope sayang doing just fine over there. You went there in one piece and i want you to come back in one piece too. xoxo

But the most important thing is, this Friday, 11o311 c(:

♥♥♥

#2o4

2011-03-08T00:13:00.005+08:00

Meowmeow. Its 1253 in the early morning. Its Tuesday and its only the second day of his field camp trip but i feel like dying already. I miss this boy here please D:

♥ Hi baby, how are you? have you eaten? did you get enough rest/sleep? did they torture you? hows everything? the surrounding? how about the environment? did the bad mosquitos bite you? hows your migraine anyways? did you injure yourself? I know you told me to look after myself while your away but sayang, i am doing just fine. Just that, i miss having you by my side. We are so uncontactable because your in some jungle. I wanna hear your voice. I wanna hug you so tightly. Everyone told me its just for five days and by then you will be back in one piece. But sayang, you know i can't live a day without having to at least, know your fine, you've had your meals on time, you had enough sleep. Why are they so bad by taking you away far from me ):

After sending you off last Sunday, its like so hard for me to walk away. I don't even know which jungle your at now. Argh sayang, faster come out please. Three days, okay two and the half days to go but its like taking too long. I am so gonna run to you, jump on you and hug you supa tight and never let you go, not a little bit at all. They always piggy-back. I don't want that. I is want piggy-front, can? Meoww. Here i am talking to myself at o135 in the morning. Gotta opening to do later, in a few hours' time. But i don't feel like turning in. How to? When all i could think of is you? Prrrrrrr ._.

Weyy! You look kindda handsome can in the photos above ^^ Handsome BomBomBom! ♥ Hehehehehehehee c(;

Exactly one month and one day to your POP ohhh. oo-amm-geee. Four months past this fast huh? But it sokay. By then i will be the most happiest girl in the world. Okay, not really. Just POP not ORD ohhh. oo-ammm-geee. Never pity your girlfriend isit have to wait every now and then? Grrr. When can you get your freedom back? I feel like kidnapping you and go far far far far far far away from here then i can be with twentyfourseven. You won't get tired of me right. Must grow old with me. Because thats what you've promised me. Meoww (:

Be good and stay safe wherever you are, whatever your doing and whoever your with every single second please. I can't wait for Friday! For i will wake up supa early in the morning and wait for you by the phone ♥♥♥

I will be good baby, don't you worry.

xoxo.

your one and only tebabom.

#2o3

2011-02-22T01:29:00.008+08:00

Hi Boyfriend! ♡

I wanna thank you for the dinner date at Barcelos and this,

Bracelet by Guess that i've been eyeing for ages ^^

Hehehehehehehehehehe! (:

And ohh.

Happy Six Months and One Day Old to Us! (:

a
ris

I ♡ You, Ady Haris

# 2o2

2011-01-22T15:47:00.004+08:00

Have you ever wanted to be the girl that gets a hug and kiss every day? The girl that gets to wear his hoodie or gets to cuddle every night? The girl that he calls every morning and every night because her boyfriend wanted to be the first hello, and the last goodbye of the day. The girl that he misses and thinks about non-stop, and when you see each other, he holds her tight. The girl he talks about to his friends, to his family members, and scared that he will lose her some way, somehow. The girl he goes crazy without talking to her once a day. Yeah, i’ve dreamt of that once. Or how about, the girl whose boyfriend that lives miles away, but he will call her and text her all he can, whenever he could. He’s jealous of all her friends that are boys. Why? Because they can see her everyday, but he can’t. Or the girl that makes him laughs and smiles and he hates seeing her being upset. They have cute nicknames that actually have meaning. She can act mad, but he sees right through her. But the one thing she loves is that he gets her and understands her feelings and love for him. Yeah, i wanted to be that girl for so long.

But guess what? I am that girl, and i am his girl now ♥

Hi Ady Haris, my only sayang.

Happy Five Months and One day Old.

I ♥ You.

#2o1

2011-01-12T22:29:00.006+08:00

hellohello meowmeow world (:

its 1o32 at night. i is miss my sayang ohh sayang can? poor baby, stuck inside camp. like forever. ohh please don't. i've been fetching and sending and fetching and sending him thru and fro every single week. i feel like a mother doing her duty for her son. nyahaha. ohh wait, Happy New Year earthlings! nyek :D

life's been good. correction. life's getting better (: alrights, not totally. i am still stuck with work. no school for me again? i don't know. i would love to go bak to school and socialize, learn new things. ohh well, definately skipping classes, late for lessons and stuff like that will happen. nyahaha. i'm being me after all. grrr. things at work is getting chaotic. person a talks about person b and person b talks about person a. the thing is, both a and b talks about each other to me. what's happening? i feel like running away and get myself a better job, ohh. a better paid job, i shall say. i don't know. i want to earn my own pocket money and at the same time i do want to study. sigh. someone please save me from myself ):

i had late lunch with boyfriend, his mum and his younger sister. my ohh my. i can't help it because sayang's sister calls me 'Kakak Fidah'. honestly. seriously. i felt kindda weird. it is so awkward. okay. sayang is the second boyfriend of mine who owns a younger sister. but the previous one, ohh well, she's one of my best junior back in secondary school. and so, she call me by my name and not some 'Kakak' thingy infront. nyek. what can i do? what can i say? this is life, new things will come unexpectedly. i shall get myself comfy having Lesa to call me 'Kakak Fidah' instead of just by my name. heh. anyhoots, after lunch, we had a walk and then head back to sayang's home and he gotta change into his smart four. what else? back to tekong ohh tekong. how sad right? well, thats my life ever since ten of december.

more upsetting, for a few of our upcoming anniversaries, sayang will still be stuck inside camp and we could not celebrate for a few months. yes, it is sad and this is very challenging for me. why? because he's the very first boyfriend i will be spending the less-est time with. booking in and out, no fix timing, no fix dates. but yeah, i'm good though. i am still standing strong right here. to be honest, i am used to this. like wait for people. okay wait, wait for people who's very important in my life. if i can wait for those people those past years, why can't i wait for sayang for just few months? ceycey. but yeah, i told sayang i will be right here waiting for him. he was so scared at first. yeah, in case of anything bad will strike. but i told him to trust me, which he did (: its been a month plus and he's left with less than three months to go. oooowop! i'm a good girl, i'm a responsible person. i won't simply leave someone i love so much for another someone or for some stupid reasons. well, to be honest, for those eight failed relationships in my eighteen years of living, i've only left a my boyfriend for another, once. i repeat, once. but when was that? years ago. when i was still in my monkey-love thingy. yeah. and yeap, sayang is my number nine. but to be honest, sayang is my second true love. ohh well, the first was like a magic when it happens back then but yeah, life moves on right? (: what's more important is that now, i've met my Ady Haris, and i'm happy enough. i can't ask for more because he's the best i've ever had. ey sayang ey? :D

my ohh my. doing opening tomorrow. ohh. later i mean. nyek. tired ohh tired. ohh yeah, happy belated birthday to my second sister, kak ros. my brother, abang leman. and my girlfriend, myra. huhu! one more month ey. one more month ey. hehehehehehe :P

alrights people. i gotta go now yeah? boyfriend's calling me in like few minutes time. my ohh my. this yakdushh! boyfriend here never fail to call me every single day. eventhough they were told not to use phone after lights off. sayang take the risk for me. aisey nyonya! i love you deepdeep ey Recruit Ady Haris!

Nights World. Hugs! Dahdah (:

*Sayang, tahnk you for the maxi dress and the denim shorts ey? Hehehehehe! :D

#2oo

2010-12-28T18:12:00.008+08:00

hellohello meowmeow. hehe :D

hi everyone! how have you been? its currently o621 in the evening. grrr. its my off day today and yeah, decided to stay home. i'm done with cleaning the house. like just. yayy to me! nyek. sadly, back to work tomorrow and thursday. grrr! and ohh, my poor sayang is stuck inside camp. nyahaha. sayang got into army. my ohh my. army life equals to lesser time for me. how sad right? ):

and so, last ten december, went over to sayang's house. woke up supa-dupa early that morning just to travel all the way to bukit batok. sayang, why must you stay so far away? nyek ._. anyhoots, only his mum and myself could make it to send him all the way to tekong. dad gotta work and his two siblings gotta school. but it doesn't matter. why? because i got closer to his mum. after sending baby, last farewell to him, headed home with his mum. we had a very very long talk. like seriously. she shared with me a whole lot of stories regarding her family, her husband's family. to be honest, almost every single thing. and she even asked me if whether i am aware of her son's past? i smile and nod my head. and she gave me this how do i managed to accept him even after knowing all those bitter past kindda face. and i gave her this one 'No one's perfect, everyone make mistakes' kindda look and she touched my cheek and smile. frankly speaking, its like in those drama kindda scene. haha. but isn't it true? because deep down, i know i ain't perfect, i commit mistakes too in my past life. and so, right from the moment mummy and i were seperated from baby, mummy kept talking and talking and talking. she talk about facts. she ask about facts. i like her. very spontaneous mum. there isn't much differences between mama and mummy. both talks a lot, ohh well, which mum don't? both are short, hahahahaha. but adorable okay? the only thing that's different is that, mummy speak good english while mama speak better malay. nyahaha!

and so, baby was stucked inside camp for thirteen days straight. fetched him on twentythird december at pasir ris interchange. bumped into ohh-unexpected-people. my ohh my ._. saw sayang, but could not huggyhughug ): new rules ey, no hugging no kissing in uniforms, yadayada. had lunch with his bunk mates. headed to his place, wash up and change and out we go. baby so cute. hug me supadupamupafupatupalupawuparupayupa tight!! :D grrrr. i wanna cry can? miss so freaking badly can? anyhoots, i had a great three-days with him. send him back on twentysix december. and he will be booking out either tomorrow or thursday. thank God. at least allow me to celebrate the new year with this bubblymubblyduddlytuddly boyfriend of mine please? we don't have anything in mind yet. wanted to head for the beach party at siloso beach but we decided not to. nyahaha. so what's the plan for countdown? still deciding. but it doesn't matter where and how we gonna celebrate the new year, so long as i celebrate it with you baby (:

i thought i could work more days since he'll be busy with army life. but it looks like i have been working lesser now. why? because liza hired a few new partners. and she wanted them to learn to work by themselves without having the senior partners around. but my ohh my. we is so not likey like that two new girls. do they join to work or do they join for fun? okay, i understand it takes time to adapt to the environment but come one, how long more do you girls need? grrr. learn as you go not that day come to work, remember everything, go home, forget everything then next day come to work start asking all over again. nyek ._. people got better things to do know. ohh, speaking of which. its been a year and three months of me being part of starbucks. my ohh my, thats fast isn't it? i can't believe it either. siti nakata was my very first store manager and then cindy took over and now, its liza ohh liza. we are left with three managers, hajjar fizah and hanis. shasha haikal iffa shairul firman and myself are the old partners left. ain hairi mel mira and israni are the new partners. nyahaha. work's been okay but i miss the old environment though ):

ohh, i've been going out and spending time with a few friends but there are still some i've not met for like ages. grrr. haven't been catching up with stuff, haven't been really meet some of them. my ohh my. guys, i miss you people! ): but most of all, i miss my gemok. but mok has been giving me the cold shoulder for so long. how sad? sometimes i wonder what did i do til i'm being treated this way? i called mok but whenever i did so, mok will ask why did i call? what kind of question is that? hi gemok, if you happen to read this, i'm sorry if i did something or even say something that have hurt your feelings. i'm still figuring out, recalling what did i do and all. sigh. i am really sad your doing this to me )_ _: i can't afford to lose a friend like you. why? because gemok, your special to me ._.

family's been good! the same old problem. my brother is still unemployed. like grrrrr. i am so upset. everything will be so much better if he were to work. mama has been going in and out of hospital. both her and dad is growing old. they are aging. i can't afford to see them working day and night at their age now. the family's lucky to have my first sister. thank to her, we are still living under one roof together, we can still cope with everyday life. i just hope for my brother to get himself a job. seriously. my second sister is happily living her life with her ohh so devoted boyfriend. so am i. sofa sogood. nyahahahaha (:

and so, twentyeleven is coming in like a few days time? i'm happy with what i have now. beautiful family, awesome friends and one in a million boyfriend. what more can i ask for? this is the happiness i have been waiting for like so long and i hope it will not only stay but it will grow as i live my every day. the past remain as the past for the dos can never be undos. nyek. i love my family, i love my friends and of course, i love my boyfriend. i hope twentyeleven will be a more meaningful year not only for myself but for every single one of you out there. if your single, if haven't found the one and feel like giving up, don't. why? because you will meet him/her one fine day. trust me. because true love worth the waits. i know because i've tried. if your in a relationship, do treasure the love the relationship. be it a new-born relationship or ohh-many-many-years of relationship. treat your partners how you yourself wanna be treated because if you don't, karma will hit you. it might not hit you now, but trust me it will one day in the future. i know because not only i've heard with my own ears but i've seen with my own eyes too. alrights people, i'm done with my words. have a great day ahead! and its been supamupafupa long since i last say this. takecare. be good okay? hugs, dahdah (:

#199

2010-12-17T11:12:00.006+08:00

Ohh na na, what's my name?

Today, i wanna thank Him for giving me the strength. Strength to be able to live my life, strength to move on with life, strength to have the courage, strength to open my eyes and think, strength to say goodbye to the past so i won't be wasting my time hanging on to something that wasn't meant to be and strength to continue my walk to the future which is yet to be.

Thank you for this not-perfect but beautiful family. Thank you for not-perfect but always there one whole bunch of awesome friends. Thank you for not-perfect but a new found one in a million boyfriend. Thank you (:

For i will treasure everything that has been given to me now.

# 198

2010-11-14T22:53:00.007+08:00

Hello to all (:

I'm sorry for not updating my blog since, uhmm..september? nyek. Been more active on facebook and msn for the past months. And yeah, as always. been busy with work too. And hey. I am a happier girl now. Meet my boyfriend, Ady Haris (: We have been together for two months plus now and yeah, obviously we're still in our honeymoon period. nyek. Wanna take this chance to apologise to those who thinks that i have forgotten about them ever since i had found someone special now. I just don't like those mindsets. Isn't it supposed to be like that? I mean, you don't just anyhow judge others when you're doing the exact same thing too. It hurts to be accused just like that when they don't even try to understand that people are still adapting to their new found happiness. Definately a whole lot of sacrifices are needed. Anyhoots, i don't wanna act like any eight years old kid. We're young adults, aren't we? So, we should behave our age and not vice versa. If you are happy for someone, you would not do or say things that may hurt or upset them knowing that they're happy with their lives at that moment of time. This is life, it is the reality. So, live with it.

And so, let me share a little bit about my fresh new life with whoever's reading this. On the exact day i was supposedly twelve months single, i was attached to Him. Him who? Him, Ady (: Yes, like finally. I found my happiness. And honestly speaking, i am happy. In fact, very happy. No words can ever describe how i felt after hearing him asking that one particular question. My friends asked me why him of all those guys who's been trying to win this heart of mine. Why him? Because he convinced me. Not just by words, not just by actions but by feelings too. He made me realised. He made me think. He allow me to open my eyes to see the real world. And if you ask if he's perfect. Nope, he's not. He has a long list of bitter past. But wait, so do i. Why must i go around and look for the perfect person when i can just accept this one guy who's kneeling infront of me, wanting me to be a part of his life, wanting to share his life with me, so badly? I know his past, he knows mine. He ain't afraid to speak out. He ain't afraid to voice out. He ain't afraid to simply be himself and letting me know every single thing, be it a positive or a negative side of him. Seven days to go and we will be Three Months Old. Yeah, it may sound ohh-they-are-still-new and stuff like that. And yes, i know that i should not hope much and all. But i am already sick and tired of searching. I'm done with all those hu-has. And boyfriend, you knew about this. And i simply hope you won't treat me like how they used to treat me. InsyaAllah. And ohh, i called him 'sayang'. I don't know. It starts from day one. Naturally. nyek. And so, sayang and myself are both working. He ain't furthering his 'Fitness' course and myself? I ain't sure whether i wanna further up my studies or not next year. I miss school, like so much. But, i don't know. Sayang's working under his family's company. Sucha workaholic. Like seriously. I sacrificed quite a bit. Ohh, maybe a little bit more than quite a bit? Can't meet for a few days every single week as he will be busy working twenty-four-seven. Sigh. But yeah. His mum has been in my shoes when she were dating his dad back then. And surprisingly, she sticks to him til today. And sayang told me that his mum hope that i could be like her. And yeah, he hope so too. And hopefully, for God's will, i will. Sayang told me that everyday can be a special day. He will treat me to stuff does not matter if its our anniversary or even just on some monday blues. He bought me the handbag i've been eyeing on for like thirty days. And he got me a phone too. Ohh, we had a couple phone. His black and mine, white. He let me eat whenever and whatever i feel like eating, does not matter the time of the day. He will fetch me from work and send me home like whenever he could make it. He never fail to make me smile even when i was pissed off with him during that period of time. We always share. Whatever's his are mine and whatever's mine are his too. We know and met each others' friends. We definately have our ups and downs. And whenever we're unhappy about something about each other, most of the time we will voice out. He knows when i'm down and so do i. I love his eye-lashes. They are effing beautiful! He's very charming. A very friendly person. Someone who's very out-going to hang out with. A guy with character. When i first met him, i seriously didn't know that he would be so important in my life today.

Sayang, thank you for entering my life and making my heart to give love another try. My past fades away and now i have you. And i didn't know you're what i've been looking for. Thank you baby (:

# 197

2010-09-16T13:50:00.005+08:00

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love ♥

#196

2010-08-06T04:46:00.003+08:00

If you came back. What shall i do?
Should i give this a second chance or should i not?
I don't know what shoukd i do.
I fell sick because of this.
I fell sick because of you.
But honestly, i am scared.

D:

#195

2010-07-28T17:42:00.003+08:00

Sorry for being so cranky in my previous post but i felt better after letting everything out. Many ask 'So, did you really cry to sleep?'. The answer is 'Yes.' And never regretted doing so. It felt so much better after blogging and allowing those tears to come out, honestly. And to the person whom i like, thank you for your companion even for that short period of time. I don't need your apology. This is life. Don't tell me that you had fallen for me and wanna stick with me like you told your friends. Look, the unfairness you had shown me has proven everything. So much that i want to give it a second try and wait for you, i'm giving it a second thought instead. I had waited for too long for someone to simply stick true to me. It hurts. There isn't any other words i could say but that four-letter-word. No, its not love. The word is, Hurt. I've moved on. But this is what i get. Over and over again. Maybe i put too much trust on others. Maybe i should simply stick to my life like for the past eleven months? Maybe i should do just that. Ohh wells, there's nothing new in life. I've encountered every single littlest thing. Every happiness begins differently but it'll always ended up the exact same way. Tell me something new, something that i don't know. Throughout my eighteen years of life, i've met all kinds of guys out there except for this one particular one of a kind of a guy. Maybe God is reserving him for the best moment that'll happen in my life. Perhaps not now. Yes, i've waited for so long. But waiting isn't something new for me, i don't mind to continue my journey to wait for that special someone (:
And so today i stayed home. Supposed to do opening just now morning but manager didn't allow me to as i extended work til closing yesterday. All thanks to some people who paitao shift. Thank you Cindy for disallowing me from going to work today as i really need to rest after working for i don't know how many days straight. Heh. But i am back for opening for two days straight, tomorrow and friday. Can't wait for friday and saturday though. Nyehehehe. Pay day faster come to momma! Heh. Oh my God, July is ending like so soon. Fasting month is just next month. I still do remember doing silly stuffs during the fasting month just last year. Bad bad bad bad bad Fidah. Haha. Okay, shut up. And Hari Raya is coming too. And simply put, just like for the past of the seventeen years of Raya, i've never paired up with someone. Same costumes, same colour and stuff like that. And so, i guess this year it will be the same? Sobbysobsob. Okay Fidah, please. Stop behaving like a eight years old girl can? Ohh people, my six ladies are all happily happy with their respective dudes. Congrats to all six. And hey, meet up real soon! Much misses. To my attached friends, i'm happy to see those smiles on your respective faces. One thing, treasure the relationship. To my other single friends out there, no worries. We will definately meet our lifetime partner. Not today, not tomorrow. For God's will, one day in the future. Trust me (:

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness.
And the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

#194

2010-07-25T01:32:00.004+08:00

o125 in the morning and yes, i am still wide awake. could not bring myself to bed. why? because so many things is running in my brain right now. sometimes in life, things seems to be unfair. i should say most of the time instead. it's unfair how you treat others with your best but you were being treated unfairly in return. one after another, days after days, months after months. it sucks. just when you thought everything's gonna be fine and nothing that happened in your past will ever repeat, it did eventually. without you realising it. i am tired. i am scared. i felt so upset. i could not bring myself to put on a smile anymore. i've tried my best. for once, be fair to me. for once, be true to me. for once, let me gain happiness. i've longed for happiness. true happiness. why others can be happy but not me? why others are being treated with sincere love but not me? why others can easily move on with life but not me? why others can last but not me? plus, what's the use of telling others 'to take good care of her because she's a good and faithful girl', when you ended up treating me the same as them? how many times have i heard that sentence? tell me something new. when you say you wanna be faithful to someone, why can't you simply stick to your words? lies after lies. i am honeestly tired. how many times have i repeated this 'for once, i wanna be happy too'? if the problem lies with me, then simply tell me. i don't see a harm to simply tell someone their mistakes and all. at least, let the person know their negative points. now tell me. how am i gonna move on with life if these shits just won't stop? a month to a year of living my life all by myself. tried every single thing. tried all kindda ways. and just when i'm liking one particular person, there's one thing that simply ruin the whole thing. i hate this feeling. i swear. i don't like this. not a single bit. the person i used to love is in love with someone new. okay, i've faced and accepted that. the person whom i'm liking, is being unfair with me. why tell the whole world that you're happy you met me in your life, and i've changed your life and all when at the end of the day, you'll end up leaving me? this is totally unfair. why say things when you don't mean it? why say these things when you don't keep it? why? i'm scared. this whole lot of things is scaring me. leaving me, walking away from me after all those good days. why create memories with me when you are not sure whether you're doing it for a longer period of time or just for a short while? this is tiring. very. just what did i do to be treated this way? and to the person i'm liking, you told me you're scared to lose me. simply the exact same thing the guy who used to love me, used to tell me too. i ain't sure of your words. because after getting hurt for only God knows how many times, i am really sick of this.

now, talking to a friend or two won't help anymore. the only solution is simply cry myself to sleep D_ _ _:

#193

2010-07-17T18:47:00.004+08:00

We've just met.
But, i'm liking you.
How?

#192

2010-07-15T03:13:00.010+08:00

Hello. Sorry for being dead for some time. Its been like ages since i last updated my blog. Heh. Anyhoots, as usual. Life has been the same, everyday's routine is like almost the same to me. Work been extra tiring for me. My veins are coming out due to all the work. Non-stop. Sometimes, i simply feel like going on a long holiday. To Bali, maybe? Aww. Family has been doing fine too. But we was told yesterday that Dad's elder brother was hospitalised. It shows on Dad's face that he's kindda scared? Because two years ago, it was his eldest brother. And that friendly and charming Uncle of mine left all of us, just like that. He left and it changes almost everything. But i hope nothing bad gonna strike any of my loved ones. Friends? Been meeting up with some of them after work and/or during my off days. Some i didn't meet for like forever. Much misses! Especially my gemok. I think the last time we met was what? On 14 February? Some are busy with work, some with school while others, i'm not pretty sure. Haiyak. A lot of things happened, which i don't think i wanna share here. Well, this is life. It's 2o1o. Tell me something i don't know? Still hearing stuffs i never wish to hear. Still seeing stuffs which gave me so much pain deep inside. People still did not give up on waiting either. I've learnt from my past. Everything don't just happen like that. There's always a reason for things to happen. Most importantly, i really need to tell myself to always be prepared for any news and/or rumours in the coming future. So many things going on. Happiness, Sadness, Misunderstanding and all. Yeah. I gotta accept it and face it as it is. Whats done is done. And ohh, i missed school! So freaking badly! Next year, i promise (:

If you don't let go of your past, how on earth you gonna find happiness in your future?

People tend to miss the things that they are not looking for.

You keep holding on to the past.

You'd come to realise that you might have missed a great oppurtunity for a better future.

#191

2010-06-23T20:17:00.013+08:00

They brought the Happiness in my life ♥

I'm glad i have them.
But there's one missing piece.
You (:

#19o

2010-06-21T01:52:00.004+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable.

It opens your chest and it opens up your heart.
And it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.
You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness.
So simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

But E, i hope you ain't the same like those people who come and go.
Because when i first bumped into you, i felt something deep inside me.
Meeting you makes me forget about my painful past.
Bit by bit.
And a wide smile will be shown on my face whenever i see and/or think of you.
Why?
I've yet to find the answer.
I don't know you, you don't know me.
Yet.
We will, in the near future (:

#189

2010-06-14T02:15:00.003+08:00

Life's been Good.
Family doing just Fine.
Work is Wonderful.
Friends are Treasured.
Weight has been Gained.
Height? I'm not sure.
Attitude Changed.
Personality Remain.
Past is Fading.

That Dude..Future Boyfriend?
Booyakaka (:

#188

2010-06-12T06:27:00.003+08:00

Booyakaka (:
A fresh new start of Life as my past slowly faded away day by day.

#187

2010-06-07T04:14:00.004+08:00

Booyakaka (:
Okay, sorry for that but i just find the word 'cute', heh (: And so here i am once again, lying down with Patrick by my side. Plug-ins. Songs being played repeatedly. It is o454 in a Monday morning and my beloved ones are still sound asleep. Right now, i simply feel like talking about Life.
I'm just a simple girl who'll be turning nineteen in eight months' time. Own a big family. A great Dad, hardworking Mum, best cook Brother, always lend a helping hand Sister, always there for me yet another Sister and not forgetting a very loving yet playful PussyCat named Ryan. I have two Bestest Friends, a guy and a lady. Can't afford to lose them. One great girlfriend, been spending time with her lately. A few close friends. Plus, my six beautiful Ladies too. Boyfriend? Nope. I've been a Barista from August last year. Yes, my very first job at the age of seventeen. Studies? Last education was Nitec in Service Skills [Office]. Allow me to share my past with everyone. I used to live in Jurong. And then my parents decided to move to Bedok, which is a huge yayy for me because my-all-time-favourite. I love my childhood days. Two unforgettable childhood closefriends. Managed to contact them both through Facebook. And then got into Damai Primary School, lots of memories that can never be erased. At Primary Three, Mum and Dad decided to move to a new place, Yishun. Few months ago we're supposed to move into a new place but everything was cancelled and so, Mum have decided to stay put here. Most of my friends are all in the East side. I rarely know the people in my neighbourhood area. And after which, i got into a all girls' school, CHIJ St. Joseph's Convent. Honestly, i couldn't get myself to settle down with the school because it is way uncomfortable. But after some time, i managed to get friendly with the environment. Skipped my Olevel and straight into Nitec. And after my Nitec course, that is where i've started my first job as a barista. Wanted to continue with my studies but sadly to say everything just flopped due to some reasons and so i've decided to work this whole year of 2o1o. Not pretty sure if i want to further up my studies next year. But to be honest, i miss school so much ):
And yes, definately every human being will experience love in their lives. When i was younger, there are incidents of liking someone of the opposite sex and those 'monkeylove' did happened back in my primary and secondary school days. Yes, love letters, gifts, meeting up after school, went to school together and yeah, simply everything. But as i grow older, and as i get to know one guy after another, the feelings grew from like to tthis special and unique feeling called Love. And if you ask me whether have i ever encounter First Love? I can't give you the answer. Because every new relationship makes one think that that is his/her first love. True? Love exist when you're with someone, you will feel those butterflies in your tummy, your heart tend to beat faster than your normal heartbeat, you feel the warmth, you feel protected, you feel their heartbeat going on the same beats as yours, your eyes will be locked when both your eyes contacted, you will go speechless, you will feel like wanting to kiss them when you look at each other, and when you both hugged, your partner will hug you like he/she won't wanna let go, you just wanna have your partner all to yourself, you tend to forget the world and at times, your friends will be abandoned too. Yes, you'll experience all these when you're in love. How about First Love? I don't know. I am sick and tired of people entering and leaving my life. Honestly. I mean, what's the use of making someone to love you when all you ever wanna give them in return is Pain? After so much time, days you've spend with them, after so much sacrifices, after so many thick and thins you both had gone through together, after showing and proving your partner that you're the one, after those promises you've made, after those memories and stories both of you had invented right from day, after everything. Why make a 'Break Up' the all-time-favourite way out? I just don't understand why people hurt others when they know that they themselves don't wish to be treated in sucha way they've been treating others. And after the break-up, in just a short moment, people start seeing them with someone new. I don't understand this statement either. Why isit so easy for people to say the three most precious words I Love You? I've been torturing myself over and over again. Right from those days where the 'monkey love' moments exist til the day i thought i found my First True Love, which ended up in the exact same way. Teardrops every single year. People keeps on walking out from my life when all i ever want is for them to stay D:

#186

2010-06-05T04:51:00.008+08:00

and now you look at her so amazed.
i remember way back then when you used to look at me that way.

First Text.
First Talk.
First Meeting.
First Touch.
First Hug.
First Kiss.
Those Days.
Those Sacrifices.
Those Moments.
The Laughters.
The Hugs.
Those Fun We Had Together.
Those Days You Fetched Me.
Those Jokes.
The Lovingness From You.
The Seriousness.
The Annoyingness.
Those Amazing Smiles.
The Days You Used To Wait Under My Block.
The Sadness.
Those Beautiful Surprises.
The Craziness.
The Naughtiness Between Us Two.
The Fights.
The Unspoken Kisses.
Those Speechless Eye-Contacts.
The Irritatingness.
The Places We Both Adventured.
The Eating Places We Both Went
Those Late-Night Walks.
The Buses That We Took.
Those Rides That We Both Tried.
The Talks That We Both Had.
Those Stories That We Had Shared.
The Train' Seats That We Sat On.
There's So Many Things I Gotta Say But..
I Can't Say Much Now.
I Just Have To Wish You All The Best With Life.
You've Proven Everything To Me, Including The World.
_

You Came
You Brought Happiness
You Left
You Gave Heartache
But It's Okay
Just Promise Me One Thing
Don't Do The Same To Her
She's Perfect For You
I See The Sparks In Your Eyes
And In Hers Too

Thank You For Every Single Thing Right From Day One, o311o8, Til The Last, o3o31o.
Thank You For Letting Me Share My Life With You For Those Countless Days.

Takecare,
Dahdah ..

#185

2010-06-03T00:13:00.004+08:00

Hello (:
And so, i did opening yesterday morning. Was late. Okay, first time IskandarShah came earlier than me. Morning blues, no huu no haa. Customers was well-behaved, heh. FirmanShah was late too. And so silly, he brought his younger brother's polo tee instead of his own. Ended up wearing ShashaBaby's top. Luckily can fit in. Heh. ShashaBaby came in for second mid and NadyaNaddy did closing. I wonder whether she was able to cope in doing closing or not. DingDangDung. Work was good but i was super exhausted. Been staying up til early morning lately. I'm not sure why, myself. Can't get myself to turn in early when i know i'll be working more on morning shifts. Time past really fast. It's June. But i don't feel it, at all. Family been good, everyone's busy with their respective jobs. Poor Ryan, left all alone at home. Ohh, i went for medicure and pedicure with NaniSeri. I like! Heh. Been pampering myself throughout my single life. Woots, two-and-the-half-months-to-go and i'll be officially single for a year. And as you all know, i've yet to fall in love again. Ohh wells, it takes time to really Love someone. And i'm curious how some people can easily fall in love even after a bad break-up and/or after all that he/she had gone through with their partners. Maybe it is just part of human life. Heh. But i am glad i have a huge bunch of girlfriends who has been so supportive towards me ever since day one. I owe them big time, for those love and care. Darlings, when wanna meet up ey? Alrights so currently dad's in the kitchen, mum's in the room with the lights on, my brother and two sisters are all asleep, ryan been walking here and there from just now and i am still stuck here. Lying down, infront of lappy. Done with Fb, and i guess i've got nothing left to say. Maybe i shall turn in early since i rarely have enough rest lately. And, i wanna go back to school ): Alrights, i hope life's been nice towards everyone. Heh. Nights! Dahdah (:

Fidahdah Misses You

#184

2010-06-02T01:11:00.007+08:00

It upset you when you heard stuffs you never wish to hear.
It hurts when the stuffs not only came from one mouth but a handful ones.
It kills that others witness those stuffs, not you.

The feeling is likea million knives being stabbed right into your heart D_:
I'm about to Get Over All Those Shits, here comes another bunch of shits.
People, i've heard enough.
Please
I don't wanna hear anymore Huu-Haas.
You see and/or hear anything, kindly zip the lips.
Please, don't destroy Fidah's future-only-God-knows-what Happiness with all those stories.
It's those stupid assholes' life.
What do you want me to do?
Beg? Cry my heart out? Suffer all over again?
Look.
It's okay.

I am done here.

Dahdah (:

#183

2010-05-29T03:04:00.004+08:00

Halo (:
It's my off day yesterday plus today and so i've decided not to turn in early. Sorry blog, haven't been updating you. Yet again, busy with work. Went out with NaniSeri and FirmanShah, to Vivo City and then to Town. Long and tiring day. Shop a bit. Okay correction. Shop a lot. Heh. Currently everyone's asleep except for myself. Second sister's not back home yet. Guess she went to catch another late night movie with boyfriend again. Just wanna say that i'm happy to see the happiness the two boyfriends has brought into my two sisters' lives. Hope those happinesses will last. I'm stucked right in front of the lappy, lying down with my baby Patrick close to me. Work's been good. Bumped into all sort of friends while working for the past months. Been pampering myself. Great working partners, love them deepdeep. Because they're the reason why i'm putting a big smile on this face every day til today. I miss meeting up with my friends. Been spending more time at work rather than the outside world. But i am glad they understand me and they themselves, make their lives as busy as me too. Ain't working today and i've decided to stay put at home. Because i'll be working tomorrow. Friends, i really hope we could meet up more often. Much misses ey! D: Ohh, life has been nice towards me. Maybe this is the right pathway for me. And maybe you're the right one for me. Because, you taught me to look forward in life and you're the reason i ain't shedding tears anymore. But something stopped us from getting any serious. Eventhough we both know, the feeling of likeness is there between us, we can't take any step closer. But it's alright. You were there always, E. HushHush. It's already o525 in the morning. I guess i will head to bed soon. Once again, hope that life's been nice towards everyone who's reading this. Dahdah (:

#182

2010-05-26T01:13:00.004+08:00

Halo (:

So, i've been way busy with work. Dates with Friends plus Outings with Families.
Life has been nice to me for the past few months.
It has lead me to the Happiness.

Replacing my loneliness, before this.
I'm treasuring my Family much more now.
I'm loving my friends like never before, eventhough we rarely meet up.
I'm awake now.
Finally, realizing and facing the Reality.
You're just my past and whatever we've invented, it is just our history.
Thank You for the memory.

And may you be happy with the lady you'll be with next.
Anyhoots, i can't wait to go back to school.

I miss studying, honestly.

But it's alright. I don't mind waiting (:
Ohh, i'm done with ' Dear John' and currently focussing on 'Message In A Bottle'.
You should go read that up, a very sad novel.
Nicholas Sparks has the most amazing stories ever .
But, i love them all! heh.
And do be noted that my eating appetite has been growing lately.
But i don't mind putting on weight.
Love me for who i am. Nodnod.
It's o323 in the morning and as usual, my Babies are all sound asleep.
My family members, i mean. heh.

And i am currently the only who's awake, lying down beside my sister.
Ohh, and using her lappy. Hushhush.
But no worries, i'm heading to bed very soon.
Gotta head for work early later on.

Alrights, whoever's reading this, hope life's been nice to you people.
Dahdah (:

# 181

2010-05-02T21:10:00.004+08:00

DagDugDagDug.
Are you the one? (:

*busy with work*

#18o

2010-04-10T05:38:00.006+08:00

I forget to forget about You.

#179

2010-04-09T18:22:00.005+08:00

o5o41o -Last store meeting w/Nakata.

o3o41o -Date w/Nurul.

o2o41o -Date w/Naneeh.

#178

2010-04-02T06:41:00.006+08:00

hey ho readers. good morning again. it's o641 in the morning. was about to wake daddy up butbut came to realized that its good friday. heh. paiseypaisey. ohh, anyhoots i've changed into a new number. yayy. texted everyone who i think deserve to get my new number. ohh, i've decided not to get a new phone. i wanna grab mp4 instead. so yupp. mp4, i'll come for you this saturday. wait, it's tomorrow! heh (:
and so, after signing up at m1 shop yesterday, headed to Valley Point. i was one hour early for work. cool. guess what? had headache while working. i think i didn't sleep enough. sorry brain, for causing headaches. fidah, behave yourself can? hmmph. and so, store closes at one in the morning. i was supa tired. exhausted i shall say. seriously. reached home at three plus in the morning just now, which is four hours' ago. thanks for the ride home!
and so, today and tomorrow my off days. shana seems busy with work, and so we won't be meeting up later. so fidah, staying put at home today? i don't know -.-' tomorrow, out with nurul. yayy'yeah! fish&co and mp4. two-thumbs-up! andand my ladies all seems to lose interest on our outings. nevermind uhh, next year then go out again, okay? thanks. if you have problems on cash and stuff, you can simply tell. we can always plan something else up. doesn't mean go out, need so much cash, right? okay, i'm sorry for turning cranky. i'm just upset. when are we gonna meet up? i miss you ladies, a lot D: we used to be so close together. what happen now? yes, i'm busy with work and other friends, but i never once forget about you ladies. i simply wanna meet up with the presence of all seven of us, and just spend those precious time together D:
ey, i really need a boyfriend, can? i miss having someone here beside me. i'm not demanding nor am i desperate. never. heh. i simply thinks that its better to have someone special in my life. at least, i'll be reserved. being single is good too but not as wonderful as being attached. trust me. the magic you felt when that someone special is just next to you. even just by hearing his/her voice, your heart skip a beat. woaaaa. to all my ex boifies, i'm sorry for being unperfect. heh. to my future boyfriend, you have my word. i'll be a better girlfriend ♥
alrights, it's o728 now. daddy's awake. he's doing the laundry. the rest are all sound asleep. i am so gonna sleep like oinkoink after this. only God knows what time i'll be awake. ohh, anyone who wanna ask me out, text call my new number please. i'm gonna be bored to death if i can't get myself to bed and spend the whole day staying home. lalalaaa.

takecare fidahdah's beautiful readers. nightmorning nohh. huggies, dahdah (:

#177

2010-04-01T06:03:00.004+08:00

hey ho readers. morning! it's o6o4 in the morning. yeap, ain't asleep just yet. can't turn in so i decided to go online butbut tend to get bored so went to catch a movie online. just had kinder bueno too. i know, i am growing fatter now. but i don't know why i don't seem to care about my food intake anymore. what's up and/or what's down with me, i totally don't know. nevermind, people will have to accept me for who i am. heh. fat or skinny, who cares?
anyhoots, yesterday after i reached orchard mrt station, i walked all the way to Wheelock Place, went to find for the BrawHouse. lucky i smart and found the shop in sucha short time. so cute, they remembered me. heh. i thought they like kindda forget because the package thingy is under my sister's name. but they actually remembered my name. sweet. but funny mann. they all thought i've just cried due to something. they told me my eyes show it all. and i'm like o.o i honestly did not shed any tears. i just told them its because of lack of sleep. but they still don't believe me. sieow. and so had my eyebrow and upper lips done. shooot! guess what? my thick eyebrow that i love so much turned into some mina's eyebrow. not really like those minas who pluck themselves. at least mine, nicer. heh. but i swear its too thin for me. Angene told me that with these eyebrows, it well-matched with my face and since i've big eyes, it's better to have thin eyebrow. omg. i swear i regret going. Angene been doing sucha good job for the past months. i mean, she always maintained the shape and the thickness. when she saw i was upset, she apologize and added that it's time for me to have a new look. sigh -.-
after which, i rush to dhoby to meet up with the rest. had Manhattan for dinner. it was a good celebration. we had Seafood Platter, Grilled Platter and i don't know what. heh. the soup was yummy! we make the place like as if its our home. honestly, we was so loud. after eating, it's time for blowing-of-cake-session. ever better, we sang our lungs out. totally like as if we were in our school canteen instead of a restaurant. heh. photos are up on fb nohh (:
what annoys me is that when my sister suddenly texted me asking whether am i going to our aunt's birthday supper. and i was like 'what?' honestly, i had no idea that mak busu invited us all for supper to celebrate her 4oth birthday. so cute luhh. forty still celebrate birthday. and so, after dinner with ij babies, melissa and myself trained to eunos and paya lebar, respectively. hugs to the rest, they went to karaoke after that. melissa meeting up with her boyfriend, he's having his prac 3. i didn't plan to eat butbut mak busu insisted i eat, so i just ordered a meal and there it goes, wasted. i ate 1/4 and could not finish up the 3/4. heh. then we talk and stuff. then everyone took cab home.
so, here i am. time check -o629. heh. just woke daddy up. he was like shock seeing me not asleep. gee. he must be wondering, why am i not turning in to bed yet again. i simply can't sleep. that's all. anyhoots, i'm working later on! attachment at Valley Point til midnight. maybe i'll go out earlier and head to town first. i feel like grabbing my phone straight away later instead of waiting til saturday. heh. should i? yes, i should. okay, i'm independent now. go everywhere all by myself. seriously, last time i use to call any of my friends up, so they can accompany me, or if i happen to have a boify at that moment, he'll have to accompany me. but now, yeah. travel by myself. soonet or later, i'll get use to these stuffs. i know its been months, but i still depend on my friends for the past months. so now, i wanna change. i don't wanna depend on anyone. heh. i wanna stand on my own feet and do everything myself. only ask when in need. ceycey. but yeah, hopefully will be able to cope. brrbrr.

oi! oi! i miss you uhh. don't you miss me? D:
heh.

alrights, i think i better off to bed. takecare beautiful readers! goodnightmorning. huggies, dahdah (:

#176

2010-03-31T13:31:00.004+08:00

hey ho readers. good morning nohh. i went online last night til six plus in the morning. heh. thank you those friendly people who chatted with me til late morning. and hey, no worries, i'll never forget those chats. someone promise that he'll bring me to ride roller coaster (: ohh, sadly to say, Manchester United lost yesterday's match. but it's okay, we are nice people. we're only giving face to them, we'll surely come back and fight back. right Man U? heh. you win or lose, fidahdah'll always be your supporter ♥

andand, special thank you to ehekehek for those text messages. every word mean a lot to me. you light up my morning (:
i woke up at ten plus and straight away called the eyebrow place to make appointment. yayy! see, eyebrow so thick already. heh. okay, i've just realized i slept for about four hours plus. gee. what's happening to me? fidah, no more 'the old' you, okay? but i was bored last night, can't turn in so i went online. and surprisingly, A LOT of people was online. the knowns and unknowns too. heh. sorry to those unknowns because i don't reply. sorraye very nice nohh.
alrights, i am going off soon. gotta go do eyebrow at town, Borders there. appointment at four-thirty in the afternoon. heh. after that, need to rush meet my ij babies and their boyfriends too. birthday girl, zebby, treating us to i don't know which part of Dhoby. heh. lalalaaa. can't wait leys. ohh, not forgetting that tomorrow will be on attachment at Valley Point til midnight. andand i can't wait to go shopping with smurfy too. heh. someone's rich, pay money plus some award money from his poly. ohh, shana sayang, where should we head to this friday? i miss you manymany nohh. and nurul sayang, can't wait to pamper ourselves to fish&co on saturday. two-thumbs-up! woaaa, i am so in love with all these. woohoo!

currently, no one's at home. mama's out. so silly of her luhh, she's working later on somemore wanna go out. sigh. ryan's asleep. brother i don't where either. big sister and dad's at work. second sister still at friend's house. next year uhh come back! so good, every morning wake up can see boyfriend. don't action horr. i also can but wait longlong luhh. sigh o__o
ohhohh, i don't know why but i tend not to put on eyeliner anymore. eyeliner helps me to cover up this size of the universe's eyebags of mine here. i didn't put on them anymore andand people thought i've been crying non-stop. sad or what? i didn't cry, trust me. they are just eyebags = lack of sleep. understand understood nohh. people! i am changing into a new number in a few days' time. stupid unknown numbers, keeps on calling and texting when i don't even know them. it's 2o1o now, why are they still behaving like its the year 2ooo? whatever it is, gonna have a new phone, yayy'ness. okay, i am supa hungry now. i shall get going now.

i also want boyfriend leys. it's okay, fidahdah will wait ♥
takecare beautiful readers! huggies, dahdah (:

#175

2010-03-29T17:18:00.003+08:00

hey ho readers. sorry for not updating for quite some time. heh. been busy working for the past few days, yet again. but i had fun though because i've been working with new found goodfriend, ehehkehek, for the past three days straight. last friday's 5o% off event was a good one. i've always been put on pastry for the past months' 5o% butbut for the very first time, nakata put me on frap together with the two dudes. my hands like gonna break like that. its the same feeling when i'm being put on attachment at suntec few weeks' ago. butbut i'm glad that the managers partnered me up with nice dudes. it always give the 'uhmmmph!' to work eventhough its tiring. heh. ohh yeah, i'm not sure whether should i transfer to UE? the pay's better if i were to transfer since i'm only gonna start studying next year. should i? i'm not sure, kindda stuck here. andandand i wanna thank ehekehek, for covering me up for closing today. and hey, thanks for the care and concern. i appreciate a friend like you dehh. don't worry, i know that you will always be there for me (:

life's been the same. heh. correction. life's been better. have not been meeting up with any of my friends. work has been occupying my every day. wake up, get ready and off to work = my daily routine. sorry to all my friends who has been texting and/or calling me up asking to meet up and all. sorry i didn't reply to those messages and/or answer to all those calls. okay, my life's been better not because i've been ignoring my friends and not been meeting them all, no. my life's been better because i somehow felt like its time to change. i've finally realized my mistake. life won't bring me anywhere if i'm still here, waiting and hoping. heh. and so, i am still walking home after work til today. i am still reading books instead of hearing to songs in bus/train trips. when i'm in a relationship, i tend to lose my sense of self and individuality. but now, i have so much time to do the things i enjoy and this is definately better than expanding all that wasted time and effort trying to make a dysfunctional relationship work. my world collapsed hearing about those stuffs i heard from people. i wanted to cut out all contact with him but he keeps on approaching me. but how could he expect me to still be there for him when he had someone else in his life, right? don't you know you're only putting hopes on me. but despite feeling depressed about the situation, this was also the point when i decided to move on with my life for good. i've finally understand when my friends told me to move on. what i really need to do is completely let go, which i just did. i gave my everything and i get nothing in return. heh. so, no more sadsad okay fidah? insyaAllah.
zebby's turning eighteen this wednesday. took off specially for her since she invite all of us to this restaurant. yayy'yeah! can't wait nohh. friday, date with shana girlfy. saturday, fish&co with nurul sayang. that's for this week. next week, hopefully my ladies could make it for our cycling/blading day out. two-thumbs-up! andand i'm like craving for the roller coaster ride at sentosa. i heard it was fun. who wanna ride with me, do tell me horr.
currently, daddy just got home from work. abang just got home too. both sisters out working. mama, i'm not sure. everytime i'm stuck at home, i'm always being left all alone. heh. its alright, i'm already use to all these stuffs.

my two bestfriends been missing from my life for so long.

yah and mok, i seriously miss the two of you D:

alrights, that's all folks! takecare. huggies, dahdah (:

#174

2010-03-29T00:38:00.011+08:00

Dear Diary,
I've learnt how to be by myself and to be completely independent again. I soon embraced singlehood and revelled in the freedom of it. As i wake up from my sleep every morning/afternoon, i see the world. All different kind of situations and/or problems people surround me were forced to face. Hearing all sorts of stories from them. And now, i am awake from my dream land. I've had enough and now, it is time to let go. I've finally realized it is not worth keeping and/or holding on to something which can never be yours. It is never worth. I know that it's been -m o n t h s- i've been talking about all these stuffs. But today, after almost eight months of waits, i am finally walking away.

Boy, you are all over her. And so here i am telling you, i am over you. I never wanna see your face again. Goodbye.

#173

2010-03-25T18:08:00.004+08:00

fidahdah need a wake up call tomorrow @ Five in the morning. heh (:

#172

2010-03-25T14:52:00.003+08:00

you were there to light my day
you were there to guide me through
how can i forget all that
when you're the one who make me smile
your love will always be a part of me
how i wish you were still mine
never will forget the day
how we met
and gain this far
we know we've got this special feelings
but it somehow has to end up here
i know we have to say good-bye
and that's the hardest thing to do
because you mean so much to me
and thats the truth from me to you

for all the things i've done and said
for all the hurts i've caused you
i hope you'll forgive me baby
because that wasn't what i meant to do

at every start of a new relationship, there's always an ending. either a break-up, a divorce and a death too. always bare in our mind that people come into life and one day, they'll end up leaving us too. and i won't deny that it hurts to have the feeling of being left all alone. just when we thought everything's gonna be perfectly fine, shits strike us. i use to believe that he's the one, use to believe he ain't gonna leave me, use to believe that we can go far. how silly of me to think so far when the relationship which i thought could last, ended in less than a year. heh.
therefore today, i'm happy to say that i've finally managed to let go. finally managed to move on with life and remove all my past. focus more on my present and my future. we might never know what's coming next into our life. how did i manage to let go? i didn't give up, nope, i didn't. i've been sitting at home, all by myself. i simply collect all my past, both goods and the bads, and see. and then i started to think and somehow tell myself to 'Forget about Everything'. i finally see the Cycles. it's funny when i think back. and so currently, am i seeing somebody or am i not? for you people to find out. heh. i don't see a need to think about relationship when it only bring heavy tears down my cheeks at the end of the day, right? heh. correction. i am looking forward. i believe it will come, not today but who knows in the near future. eventhough my past gave me a lot of pains, those sufferings and heartaches, i still do believe in Love ♥

#171

2010-03-25T12:09:00.005+08:00

hey ho readers. a very good afternoon nohh. it's 1228 at the moment. today is my last off day for the week. sad or what? i'm doing mid tomorrow butbut chipsmore just called asking me whether i could cover sotong for opening and then extend til 7 pm for the 5o% thingy. i agreed. and so, i'll be working for 1o hours tomorrow. nice! the cut out date for this month's pay is on sunday, so two-thumbs-up for me. pay, pay, faster come leys.
ohh people, i've watched Remember Me. a nice movie, you need to really focus to understand it. heh. told chipsmore that i'll catch it with her butbut i broke the promise and watch it with chipmunk instead. sorry chipsmore! heh. after movie, chipmunk brought me to keppel bay there. nice. readers, you should head there. bring your loved ones. a very beautiful place, trust me. thank you for the day chipmunk.

hey! hey! hey apple! heh. went to meet up with smurfy two days ago. i was sleeping andand his text woke me up. thanks horr smurfy! i was late but he bought me chocolate. andand even bought snacks for us to munch. very thoughtful right? it was our first meeting, actually. heh. snapped almost to a hundred photos together. played games. exchange of stories all. photos are up on fb nohh. hey! hey! hey smurfy! thank you for asking me out. you cheer me up eventhough for that short hours. ohhohh, thanks for being sucha friend too, eventhough we just know. i want fried chicken horr. heh.

and, i've been sleeping late for the past nights. so many late night movies being showed on television. i have no idea why but something is really bugging me. like there's something i need to know but no one inform me. not yet, maybe? but seriously, i just can sense someone is hiding something dehh.
i so need to sleep early tonight. i hope i could turn in as early as possible. wake up call me, anyone? 5 am tomorrow? heh :D

takecare readers! huggies. dahdah (:

#17o

2010-03-23T00:16:00.009+08:00

love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person,
love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of,
love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they are right beside you.

hey ho my readers. above are yet another love quote i found in another storybook i recently read. yayy'yeah. and so i am back. last sunday was a nice afternoon at work. heh. attachment at Lc was superb. i feel like transferring, can i? ohhohh, i was panick with the sudden heavy downpour, thanks to andy. he was praying that it'll rain so that i will have to delay from attending rachie's party. butbut thankfully, it was drizzling when i was knocking off. dahdah to shairul, andy and faiz. i took train to Sengkang. rachel told me to meet her at UOB bank there, near the cup walker. i was supa smart, i went to the second level and head to the basement, searching for the bank when it was just near the 7eleven there. basketball. can't remember. like totally. after which we took bus to Downtown East. hugs to each and every single one of my ij babies. miss them leys D: snapped a lot of photos, all with rachie darling and it'll be uploaded soon on fb. she just told me we took five hundred over photos. it's okay darling, your big day so big number of photos. had some catching up and all. ohhohh, zebby's turning eighteen this coming 31st andand she's gonna treat us to some restaurant. two-thumbs-up. can't wait for it zebby! and so, rachel and myself headed home around eleven plus. hugs to all.

♥ my cina mina, rachel. thank you so much for the long walk with me to my bus stop andand even waited til my bus arrived. i feel so bad. honestly. all these while i've been walking alone andand waiting for buses and trains alone. butbut she just wanna make my day and wanna make me feel extra special. darling, i am so touched! you're acting like my boyfriend already. always text and call me up just to make sure i'm fine. dah sayang zhou :D
♥ my dear girl, rachie. happy legal eighteen darling! thanks for the invitation. felt so weird, because i'm the only malay there. had a great talk with you. darling, cheer up okay? if we love that someone so much, just let that person go and give them their own space. as long as they're happy, we ought to be happy for them. let's be strong and carry on with our life darling (:

anyhoots, mum 'forced' me to go shopping with her yesterday. Monday blues = date with mama to town. thank you mama for all the stuffs you bought me. especially the bag ♥ i know it cost a bomb butbut you still bought it for me just to see me smile. seriously mama, i don't need that now. but honestly, i wasn't in a good mood recently andand when mum ask me out, i was in a state where half of me wanna go but yet another half of me, don't wanna go. mama kept asking me what's wrong with me? why am i like not behaving like my own self and all? i'm not sure what's up and/or what's down with myself. something's bugging me, but pfft. i just can't figure it out. but anyhoots, dah ♥ mama =D
andandand people! i'll not be working for four days straight til Thursday. cool right? yayy'yeah. will be staying put at home, hopefully. i bet my brother's gonna be busy out with his buddies all. nanano sleeping over her girlfriend's house, supa near with abang ayul's house, for a few days. andand the rest will be busy working every single day. and so, i'll be left alone at home again. thanks a lot! heh D:

i seriously don't know what else to talk about.
takecare beautiful readers! goodnightmorning nohh. huggies, dahdah (:

#169

2010-03-21T01:52:00.004+08:00

okay sorry, i didn't head to bed. it's o212 in the morning. honestly, i do wanna sleep but just can't carry my ass to bed. how? i need to sleep. it's a long day later for me. after work, which is at Clarke Quay, i have to head to rachie's eighteen birthday party at Downtown East.andand my cina mina gonna fetch me from entrance, if not i'll get lost finding the chalet all by myself. what bus that stop directly at Downtown that i can take from workplace? shall ask around later at work. ain't sleeping over and so i shall take last bus, or maybe earlier. then i'll reach home like after midnight? hopefully no work on monday. if not i'll be exhausted o___o

help me. i can't bring myself to shut these eyes and sleep. how? it's already o221 right now. andand everyone's home except for nanana and nanano. still out there with boifies huh? just like me, when i'm out with boify last time. at times, will reach home supa late andand at times, won't come home at all -eventhough we've spend the whole day together. nevermind. they are still in their honeymoon period. happy seeing them happy. ohh, have not been hearing from this two bestest friends for so long. one's busy with work, family and boify. the other one, should be busy with school and his friends. yah and gemok, i miss you both ): uhmmph. currently i'm like listening to songs. why cannot sleep? why? they all went out the whole day and they got home and they're all asleep now andand i'm still stuck here.

i want to sleep leys D:

#168

2010-03-21T00:21:00.007+08:00

hey ho readers. it's 1221 right now. past midnight, and i'm stuck here. stayed home andand did the laundry all. i've been a good girl because i stayed home on my off days. sorry for not updating because i'm just not in the mood to online for the past few days. no one's at home, everyone's out. i'm all alone right from afternoon til at this hour. mum with dad. brother's out with his dudes. both sisters with their respective boifies. ohh wait, i'm left with my Ryan nohh. work's been good and as usual, tiring ):
andand there's rumours going around that i'm seeing him. rubbish. they just can't accept that we're close because nature naturally bring us closer. i don't play scandal stuff here, get me? doesn't mean you saw us close and all, there's something going on between us. ohh people, i've found a newFoundclosefriend. happy to have him as a close friend now. we shared a lot of stuffs together and he taught me a lot about life, woaaa! see, what have you done to me! thank you because you know you never fail to make me smile so broadly andand laugh out loud like nobody's business, heh.
anyhoots people, i'll be continuing my studies next year instead. don't wanna see those disappointing looks on my parents' faces and so i told them i'll continue next year. and i am so gonna apply for my ideal course! i hope the coming's interview will go smoothly. this year? let me just tire myself with working life andand pamper myself by going shopping andand spend more quality time with my dear friends. andand ohh, not forgetting that i can have the rest of the nine months to ease my mind too. hopefully by end of this year, my friends get to see the 'old' me back.

alrghts, i'm working later on. and so goodnightmorning all. takecare, hugs! dahdah (:

#167

2010-03-17T02:59:00.002+08:00

hey ho readers. the previous post are quotes i took from a storybook that i am reading currently. my life's changing. i don't know why but i tend to drink Green Tea instead of my all time favourite, Coke. andand everyone who knows me know that i don't read. butbut recently, i've been reading quite a number of books. andand i tend to like Mango so much. not the brand, the fruit. andand those whom are close to me know i hate long walks. butbutbut i've just realized that i've been walking home almost every single day -after work and/or after out with friends and all. instead of taking the bus, i actually walk home. does not matter of the time of the day, i'll just walk. and more weird, without plug-ins. so, i've been walking from mrt station right to my doorstep, without music without even looking at my mobile phone. andand my mum told me that i've not been talking much lately too. people around me know that i love to talk, i love to laugh butbut i think i'm getting weirdo and weirdo. what's happening to me, hell yes, i don't know.

ain't working for two days. let's do some house'chores fidah!
it's o321 in the morning. i can't turn in because i've too many things on my mind.
alrights, takecare readers. nightmorning! huggies, dahdah (:

#166

2010-03-17T01:13:00.006+08:00

love is like when you shed tears but you still want him. it's when he ignores you, you still love him. it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say you're happy for him, when all you really do is cry. but it's perfectly okay, because there is sacredness in tears. i always knew that by looking back on the tears that's being shed, it would make me laugh. but i never knew by looking back on the laughters that's being laughed, it would really make me cry. but forgiveness and letting go are steps on our road back to happiness. i have to move on, no matter how hard i have to fight myself to do so.

it takes awhile getting used to having nothing.

#165

2010-03-15T01:15:00.004+08:00

hey ho readers. how's your day? anyhoots, work was awesome yesterday. putting aside the non-stop slam. i had no idea how many millions of drinks i've make for those hours. attachment wasn't bad at all. met new friends andand exchange emails and all. bonus point, being partnered up with this tall cute curlied hair dude. sweet. the eyes like chinese somemore. why am i so lucky? of all partners available there, he was being put with me on frap. lalalaaa. nakata has been attaching me to LiangCourt and Valley Point so far. andand yesterday was my first attachment at Suntec City. best day ever huh? with the IT show going on, awesomeness. butbut, its about the same as my store's every last friday of the month's 5o% off event. i admit, it was tiring but i had fun (:

and so, after work i rushed to meet up with first sister. bought mama a Pierre Cardin purse. its beautiful, i swear! andand bought this Ashworth polo tee for daddy. perfect gifts for their Wedding Anniversary. then we took cab to Simpang Bedok. everyone is already there. oops, not every single one. many didn't make it to the gathering, yes, i'm supa upset when i saw the number of family members who came. to those who actually took the initiative to come, thank you so much. hope you like the dinner treat from my first sister. to mama and daddy, Happy 29th Wedding Anniversary. i don't know how you guys make it through your thick and thin together throughout the 29 years of living as husband and wife. but i'm glad you did! i admit that you guys has always been one of the sweetest 'old' couple i've ever met. how did you guys manage all these? to love and care for each other every single day, without fail. mama, dah also want boyfriend who'll always love and care for dah like how daddy shower mama with his sincere love and warm care right from day one til today, can?

ohh, called store andand hell yeah, will be doing closing later. two-thumbs-up. because gonna do it with andy nohh. i so need to work more this month because i am so gonna grab that phone which i am so in love with right now. ohh people, i'll update once i've changed into a new number. which is, soon! yayy'yeah. i've been going out a lot lately. so i think i should stay home during my off days from now onwards. andand fidahdah, start saving up! omg. i so need someone to control my money mann. seriously, i've been spending too much. look at how many tops andand dresses i've bought.

okay, i seriously think that i should have a boyfriend. having a boyfriend is so much better than not having one. two is better than one, right? lately i've been taking up quizzes on fb. andand they've been hinting me on relationships, a lot of times mann. six days to my seven months of living with my own life. fast, isn't it? i just wanna be happy, thats all. i wanna share this little heart with someone who really appreciate its existence. i wanna share my happiness and sorrows with someone. i wanna share this life with somebody. i want to have someone who really accept me not only for who i am but also for who i am not too. i simply need a boyfriend, that's all. but i do understand that it takes 218382001838821 of time for me to finally bumped into the right dude. i can wait nohh.

anyhoots, life's been good. friends+family+work+customers= fidahdah's everyday life. no huuuu no haaaa. yayy'yeah. getting along perfectly with people surround me. andand am facing the reality right now. believing that every single thing happens for a specific reason.

i shall turn in before anything bad gonna strikes me.
takecare all. goodnightmorning. hugs. dahdah (:

#164

2010-03-14T00:04:00.003+08:00

hey ho readers. it's saturday yesterday. and i spend my whole day at home watching some dvds like 'Transformers' andand 'How To Lose A Guy In 1O Days'. this happens when boredoms came. andand i ate a lot of stuff at home too. getting fatter, i guess. but who cares right? anyhoots, will be working later on. need to leave house early because i don't know where's the place. my manager put me on attachment. only God knows where is the store's at. nine hours' of work later on andand after work i gotta rush and meet up with family and cousins for dinner. yayy'yeah! its been supadupa long since we had dinner and outing like this together as one. lalalalaaa.

ohhohh,

HAPPY TWENTYNINE YEARS WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO MAMA AND DADDY! ♥

okay, goodnight everyone! takecare nohh. hugs, dahdah (:

#163

2010-03-13T02:32:00.004+08:00

Baby,
you told me you felt there's something in me you never feel in any other girls.
you told me i'm the best thing that ever happened in your life.
you told me you love me so much that you will never leave me alone.
you told me you really need me in your life.
you told me i'm the first babygirl who've changed your life.
you told me i am precious to you.
you told me i am the one and only for you.
you told me that i am your number one girl.
you told me your love for me is strong.
you told me i am the perfect babygirl for you.
you told me you will take good care of me.
you told me to trust you.
you told me many people say we're the cutest couple.
you told me you wanna show others that you really love me.
you told me you would do anything just to see me smile.
you told me you will never make me cry.
you told me i am your only hot sexy cute girlfriend.
you told me we will talk things out together.
you told me that you believe we could go far.
you told me i am the first babygirl who really changed you into someone better.
you told me you were so scared to lose me.
you told me you were so scared i might walk away from you.
you told me that you really love me a lot.
you told me not to be scared of loosing you.
you told me i was your first true love.

we had sucha beautiful moments together.
we've shared so many things together.
we spend our mornings afternoons evenings and nights together.
we went through thick and thin together.
we love each other so much, a lot.
didn't we?

but suddenly you told me that we're through.
and, i just can't bring myself to really believe your words.
it is just hard for me to accept the fact that you actually wanna let our relationship go.
because i thought you really mean every single word you told me.
as days goes by, i kept asking myself why and how all these happen.
i kept thinking and thinking, but i simply can't figure it out.
i cried every single night thinking of you.
i stare into space whenever i miss you.
i will listen to our songs when i see other couples and got jealous over them.
i will browse through our hundreds over photos.
its like, loosing you equals to the end of the world.
but i guess, i was wrong.
for months i've wasted my time thinking of this thing which i just realized that it ain't going any further.
i just simply have to stop all those stuff i've been doing.
i just simply have to stop thinking of you and expecting things to happen
i just simply have to let go.

Baby,
someone told me that you're so over me.
i don't know if its true.
but, some part of me says that it is true.
Baby,
i admit that no matter what, you'll always be a part of me.
i can't deny that i am gonna miss you, a lot. so much.
but..
i've wake up from my dream land.
i've face the fact the reality that you just don't love me no more.
and so, i am letting go.
its hard to deal with the pain of loosing you everywhere i go.
but i'm doing it.

Dahdah.

#162

2010-03-11T21:26:00.002+08:00

thanks for all the memories, dude. God bless you.

#161

2010-03-10T01:38:00.006+08:00

hey ho my readers. just got home about one and the half hour's ago. andand just finished uploading the photos on fb too. had a wonderful day-out with my ij girls. okay, it may not be all of my ij girls. many could not make it due to work and stuff. girls, thank you for this wonderful day! fel, sushi was delicious. colin, egg mayo was good. rach, the pasta was yummy! zhou, the potato salad was brilliant. andand zebby, the hotdogs = TWO THUMBS UP. lalalalaaa. i love hotdogs nohh. and so, it was a really wonderful day-out with them. looking at fel&col andand gil&idraki together, so loving, make me smile throughout the whole event. they so loving can. see, i miss having a boyfriend so much!

butbut its okay. things like this must wait. we should never rush love. it'll come naturally. if it didn't, then you'll just have to wait til the day comes. just never ever close your love-door. you might never know if that person is just right infront of you. i've learnt to move on and see the future ahead of me. i've learnt to let go. the truth is, my heart was hurt by someone who wrote something on my tagboard. that person left a note telling me that the guy who i could not forget about at the moment, 'is soooo over me'. truly hurt. deeply hurt. terribly hurt. damn fcuking painful. but i believe the person who wrote that, must be someone who's close to him. andand maybe he/she is tryna tell me to fcuking get over him and stuff? okay, i will. for his own good, i will never contact him again. hope you'll be satisfied. and hey, let that o3o31o be the last time we see each other. i wanna see you happy, and i know you really wanna erase me from your life too, and so, just take this opportunity and go. it hurts but this is the best choice. alrights, and so i promise i won't talk about all these stuff again. no more grandmother story and all. i'm moving on for everyone's sake. Girls, thank you so much for the wonderful day! ♥
okay, so i'll be working later on. lalalalaa. supadupa tired mann. yet again, i could not turn myself to bed. mum's at work. dad and ryan's asleep. both sisters are on the phones right now with boifies. brother's out with friends. it's o158 in the morning. okay, i should really get myself to bed any soon. its a long day ahead. lalalalaaa. andand, i hope no more outings please, for this month. i'm too tired. i really need to stay at home and do some house work. look at the house! it's in a huge mess. i'm sorry home, i neglected you after i've started working and all.
okays, goodnight! hugs. dahdah (:

#16o

2010-03-08T00:41:00.003+08:00

hey ho dearest readers. yesterday was a good day-out with my lovely ladies. but sadly, only five out of seven of us could make it. nevermind, this always happen anyways whenever we plan something for all seven of us. and so, we headed to Palawan Beach. settle down and stuff. apply on some sun-block lotion on ourselves. we had lots of fun, right ladies? liza, i love your sardin sandwiches and naneeh's hotdog bun. two-thumbs-up nohh. those long lost smiles and laughters we used to have back in ite, was brought back yesterday. if only kakak and fatyn could make it there and join us, it would be much different. anyhoots, at the end of the day, irah and myself turned charcoal, naneeh and miimye are lucky because their skin changed a little bit andand liza, most luckiest, maintained the way it is. i've the most sensitive skin ever. the sun is like my bestfriend. she shines on me and it changes my skin tone. Ladies, thank you so much for the day-out. it was great! ♥

and yeah, my busy week is finally over. phewww! will not be working til wednesday. should be staying put at home today. tomorrow? will be having yet another small mini picnic with my dear ij girls. fel just told me yesterday and she diedie want me to tag along. even threatened me that rachel will scold me if i didn't turn up. i swear i'm exhausted. i need to get some good rest for myself. i know, i shouldn't be here, blogging, at this hour. but i can't help it. yes, i'm tired but i can't get myself to bed. i am sleepy too, okay, maybe perhaps i shall turn in any soon. it's o2o7 in the morning right now. everyone's home. first sister went to catch a movie with boify andand second sister went to have a quart date to the zoo. sweet. anyhoots people, i've been eating more than i should be eating, lately. i don't know why. i must stop this eating habit. fatyn! let's be active in the gym! tummy bigbig roundround already nohh. norafidah, what's becoming of you? sadly to say, i don't know.

alrights, kindda sleepy. takecare. nights all! dahdah(:

#159

2010-03-07T04:11:00.004+08:00

hey ho my readers. i'm back from my dream land. first thing first, i am so happy that this week is ending today. too much outing and lesser time at home. and finally, later will be having a mini picnic with dearest ladies @ sentosa. pheww! last day of outing. i'm not complaining, its just that. ohh, alrights, i am complaining. forgive me for that. i'm just too tired having to do so many things within days. but its alright, it is all worth my sacrifices. store chalet was good. food was yummy yumm! and hey, i make the egg mayo sandwiches, okay! andand surprisingly, its finger-licking-good! seriously. ain't lying. we played twister, some lame games did some activities too. but sadly to say, many came late andand miss the fun and laughter the rest shared. poor me, able to sleepover for the first night only. had to do opening on friday morning. already did. supa long weekend for me. honestly i'm aching all over. but however tired i am, i will still make time for my friends. i'm left with them other than my own family members. without these two groups of people existing in my life right now, i won't be who i am, today. so anyhoots, two-thumbs-up to sb-th's chalet 2o1o. Ladies, i can't wait nohh! ♥ last friday, went out with my cca ij girls? frankly speaking, it was supadupa awkward among the six girls. didn't snap that much photos. and to make it worse, my battery somehow turned low. ohhohh, aisha and mira managed to get the kite to stay put up there in the sky. it was hilarious. in a positive way, please. mine? don't even ask. Girls, i'm sorry its a plain and maybe perhaps, a boring one too. partly maybe because its been supadupamupa long since we last meet up and communicate with one another. its just too awkward mann. its okay, maybe we shall meet up more often? had fun meeting each of you. and girls, i hope you all like the lollipop! (: so after which, we headed home. and i sleepover nurul' house. the next morning, rush for work! woaaaa. too many stuff being done mann. and so, work was fine just now. thank you to sb-Lc. how bout my life? okay, life's been its every day's routine. i have been doing just fine down here. no huuuu no haaaaa. let's forgive and forget and throw all the memories we used to share.

okay, i'm supa sleepy. nightmorning all. hugs, dahdah.

#158

2010-03-05T01:26:00.004+08:00

remember all the things we wanted
now all the memories, they're haunted
we were always meant to say goodbye
even with all those love we've shared
it never would've worked out right
we were never meant for each other
i didn't want us to burn out
but we were not fated for one another
i want you to know
it doesn't matter where we take this road
someone's gotta go
and i want you to know too
you could've loved me better
but i want you to move on
and i'll be gone

yes, looking at you makes it harder
but i know that you'll find another
that doesn't always make you want to cry
it all started with a perfect kiss
then we could feel the poison set in
perfectness couldn't keep this love alive
you know that i love you
so i love you enough to let you go
you can't make it feel right
when you know that it is already wrong

there's nothing i could say to you
nothing i could ever do
to make you see
what you mean to me

the day you slipped away
was the day i found it won't be the same
now you're gone
i can't bring you back
now you're gone
you're not coming back

hugs.
dahdah.

#157

2010-03-03T09:01:00.004+08:00

its hard to accept, but you can't change the past. because the past is real. you can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to be. because life would be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. but you can change the future, and that's definately a beautiful thing about life. yes, you'll make mistakes. and yes of course, you'll have bad days too. butbut, as long as you let the past go, you'll realized that you'll have sucha gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. knowing that things were meant to be and meant to happen. knowing that each day, you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. life is likea rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that have the chance you use something amazing from. so therefore, i'll grab a hold of it.
i suppose it was only intended to last for what seems likea single moment in time. and as much as i love you, i'll never look at you the same. you hurt me while i was defenseless, and lied to me while i was vulnerable.

do i love you? yes.
do i miss you? yes.
am i done with you? -

i thought you loved me. but i was totally wrong.

#156

2010-02-28T19:54:00.006+08:00

hello dearest readers (:

lately i've been leaving my blog with short quotes and stuff. i'm just killing time for february to pass me by. so anyhoots, life's been good. yes, i admit. been supadupamupafupa busy with work andand meeting up with old friends too. miss them much! ohh, and not forgetting dance. so, work's been good. and i shall give two-thumbs-up for february's pay. lalalalaaa. haven't really touch them.

alrights, so this week i'll be meeting up with three different groups of friends. yayy'yeah! thursday going cycling with my ij girls! friday gonna fly kite with my ij cca girls! andand sunday gonna have picnic with my lovely ladies! nanana, i book camera already okay? there are alot of stuff to catch up among us. miss each of you so much! and not forgetting. my store is gonna have our 3days 2nights' chalet at downtown east this coming o3o31o-o5o31o. yayy'yeah! so, i swear i'm gonna turn myself into some superwoman. need to rush here and there. lalalaalaa.

its the first of march tomorrow. bubaaa. a brand new month, i suppose? ohh yeah people, i ain't continuing my studies. silly of me, huh? i'm just lazy to go to the school and attend the interview. i know, if i really want this, i should have no problem of dragging myself there just for that interview. i guess i'm giving this a miss. so, i won't be schooling anymore. okay, i admit, i hate this. but i can't think straight. so, i've decided for now, i shall continue working. sorry to those who i've or might've disappoint. but i really miss school though ):

i've been alone at home the whole of today. everyone's out since morning. time check, its 2136 at the moment. dad and brother just got home. no home cook food today. so sad. i'm starving here. daddy! order pizza, please! okay, so i'll be doing opening tomorrow. asoneh, must wake up so early in the morning mann. will be having my off days til thurday. cool right? girls, no worries. friday is still on! manager just informed me of my schedule for this week. sadly to say, i've to do opening this friday. will end work at 113o, so i'll need to rush home, prepare all the stuff before meeting up with you girls. asoneh. its okay, nothing is impossible.

lalalalaaa. ohhohh, should i get a new phone? and sign up for the student plan? i'm not sure yet whether to sign up for line or should i not. my W35oi phone is getting on my nerve. first the earpiece then the cover then now the charger. so i thought of signing up for line since most of my friends has been bugging me to. i haven't really touch my pay, so i'm still considering. W5o8 or Yari or N676o?

andandand people, i'm starting to accept the fact that i am single. and the fact that those couples out there are totally opposite of me. yadayada. i used to look at couples and the first thing in mind 'shooots! get out of my sight!' butbut now, i'll tend to just look at them and smile to myself. because when i think back, what's the use of getting upset? andand i just have to hope that my happy day will come soon. i admit, honestly, i miss having a boify in my life. so all i can do is wait. its worth it.

alrights, i shall get going. i am still hungry though. lalalaaa. gonna search for food! bubaaa. thanks for reading to whoever is reading this. i've got nothing much to share. ohhohh, do give me your thoughts of which phone should i get, okays? takecare people. hugs. dahdah (:

it hurts to see your lost love walk past you with another girl

#155

2010-02-28T05:14:00.002+08:00

i think i'm starting to like you, how ?

#154

2010-02-27T03:24:00.005+08:00

to the person i considered my Soul Mate ♥
when you came into my life,
i told myself i would love you and never gonna hurt you
you were my bestfriend, my love, my everything
til one day you came and said,

" i'm sick, i'm afraid i can't stay with you any longer .. "

i refuse to believe you at first
but when i saw those tears filling up your eyes,
it spells out the truth about how you really feel inside
you were deeply hurt
i know, because i was hurt too
you can't even look straight into my eyes when you said,

" it was too late "

my life has changed at that very moment
i just found myself on bended knees, yelling,

" why? "

i was down, completely
but i had to be strong, for you
at your worst, i was there
until the day has come for us to say Goodbye
i knew it, but i just can't accept it
if only i knew that was the last time,
i should have held you and never let go
the kiss, the whisper and the embrace
it was the last
i can feel your arms falling down slowly
i can feel your love is fading slowly
i know you're gone
we always thought our love was enough for us to last
but it was a sad ending
it is God's will
i know you're happy now, wherever you are
and me?
here i am, hurt and broken
those magical memories we shared,
it's all gone now
how can i forget?
how can i start over once again?
i'm sorry if you see my life falling apart
i know i can't get you back
and i won't be seeing you for the rest of my life
its more than six months now
this has been the longest one of my life
the most painful moment i ever had
the sadness of the night brings back the days we had
the time you let go of me
and the moment that i surrendered you
even the silence reminds me of all the sorrow, the pain and my hopelessness
let me suffer in silence
until i get over you
slowly, i can let you go
and i will be me once again
i will be keeping my promise
i will move on
but you will always be, a part of me
hear me say this, one last time,

" i've found the essence of my life, i have discovered a world that's so beautiful. its all because of you "

my love, my misery
i'm letting go of you now
it is time to set myself free
this is the hardest thing i will do
because, i still do love you
and this love, its all that i have

i didn't mean to love you

#153

2010-02-26T03:57:00.006+08:00

did you know, your last few words felt like a knife ?

#152

2010-02-20T04:02:00.004+08:00

i know we are going our seperate ways. so for now, let's say goodbye to our old pathways and say hello to our respective new direction of life(:

#151

2010-02-18T20:21:00.004+08:00

First Love ♥

one thing thats not easy to forget.
once dull and innocent.
turned into something colourful and new.
it's what love does.
the first kiss.
our own song.
love notes.
you'll always remember,
the first time you fell in love.
it can last for a long time.
maybe forever?
but sometimes,
things are just not meant to last.
for some reasons we don't quite understand.
some love stories have no happy endings.
love becomes rusty.
the hardest part is to simply let go.
to let go of all the beautiful dreams you both made.
the love you once knew,
is now gone.
everything won't be the same again.
and you know that he will always be part of you.
now and forever.
it's a long road ahead.
maybe one day,
you'll find the reason
why it has to end.

#150

2010-02-18T01:37:00.002+08:00

somehow, i just kinda miss having you here with me.

do you feel the same?

#149

2010-02-17T09:18:00.004+08:00

during sleepless nights, i pretend that the past isn't real. it brings back how i used to feel. so much sadness in my hopeless life. never knew things could change so fast. you're not here and i'm alone. trying to run away from this pain hat has grown. i feel so empty, even now that you've gone for wuite some time. there's so much crying, i feel like dying. this one is for you. and just bare in mind that these words aren't brand new. though its coming from this little heart here. thank you for the life you've given me. thank you for the hope, i'm finally free. you'll always be in my mind. i never will forget you. yes, i can't go on without you. but at least, i did respected your decision and let you've your happiness. the happiness you can never find in me. during sleepless nights and endless dreams, stays in here til we're apart. feeling these tears coming in my eyes, i try not to cry. i'll try. this shooting pain in my eyes, can't hold it anymore. you're gone and you walked away. now i'm colder than the ocean breeze. now you're too far gone. please stay with me. i promised myself i would not cry, then a silent tear falls from my eye. you're the only place i can put myself. no hopes or dreams can fill up my tumbling days. after you're gone, day after day, and slowly i go insane. if i see you next to me, never, how can we say forever? i hear your voice. i hear the laughter. i taste the tears. i wonder how we can survive with this romance? where did all the beautiful time go? i finally have to let go. this memory will be a unforgettable one for me, and for i shall never be able to erase them off, this memory will be in my heart forever.

you changed my life in a moment

#148

2010-02-17T06:13:00.004+08:00

good morning readers. i'm wondering how's my readers been lately. umm, hope you people are doing just fine with your everyday's life nohh. sorry for the late update. seriously, i've been busy with work and friends recently, due to birthday. i didn't expect this much invitations. ohh wells, i did hope for some people to celebrate with me too, though. butbut they seems to be so busy with their life. not even a phone call. okay, i know, its just a birthday, butbut come on. your not just some tom dick or harry that i've just got to know yesterday that all you could do is a text message? lalalaalaa. i wasn't expecting, but was deeply hoping. thought we were close? maybe too close til they cant simply pick up the phone, dial up my number and wish me rather than those random birthday wishes. voice is what i wanted to hear not words to read. butbut its okay, no big deal. since its already over. but still, i'm just too upset. like, where are all those promises?

lalalaa. anyhoots, mama gave me money instead of prezzie. on friday morning, which is on my eighteenth. for once, i want a prezzie. they've been giving me prezzie, my family members, instead of money. i want something that could be kept. ohh wells, i guess they can't figure out what i like and stuff, perhaps? okay, i shouldn't be complaining, right? god. sorry. i should be thankful enough, at least, i did received something from most beloved family ♥

andand so, i gotta thank manymany people for those surprises. let me just name a few

nurul [closegirlfriend] her boyfriend and his three guyfriends [ firdaus, wan and helmi ]
- for the wonderful night @ sheesha
- special thanks to firdaus andand wan for the surprised bday cake! ♥
* supa sweet i was lost of words *

naneeh [closegirlfriend]
- for the beautiful last minute sun-tanning at sentosa
- for the beautiful birthday gifts
- for the unforgettable moment ever being spend with you! ♥
dayah [bestgirlfriend] her boyfriend [uncle] andand her family members
- for the pair of heels from bestgirlfriend as my bday gift!
- for the unexpected birthday cake, out of nowhere!
- for those bbq'ed and fried food that i've to stuff my tummy with!
- for those laughters while playing cards!
- for those night talks together!
- ohhohh, andand not forgetting, uncle's goodfriend, feroz.
he dropby since his family's pit was just down the pathway.
bestgirlfriend, uncle, feroz and myself went to play pool and arcade
til supasupa late. the two guys spend like hundreds over. god.
andand i received a birthday gift from feroz. lalalalaaa. sweet right?
the surprising part is that, whenever i'm beside him, he'll always win.
thank you for the 'me to you' teddy bear, feroz!
- extra thank to yah's ibu for making hot milo and make breakfast for me too.
- extra thank to yah, sheikh and feroz for walking me when i'm heading home.
- i had so much fun with yah, sheikh, feroz, yah's sisters, yah's little nephews,
yah's ibu, yah's dad, yah's brother, yah's cousin and all.
- thank you! ♥

zuhrie [bestguyfriend]
- for the treat to 'valentine's day' movie
- sheltering
- i had fun eventhough i was supasupa tired! ♥
* sorry zuhrie for complaining! )_: *

i guess, these are just the important people whom i should thank most. the rest, whom actually went that far to celebrate my birthday with me, thank you to you people too! lalalaa.
work's been good lately. sorry to all partners for not attending the store meeting andand the spring cleaning thing. i was informed at the very last minute. sigh -.-' butbut i heard stuff that was supasupa shocking. didn't expected that to happen though. BUT IT JUST DID. so anyhoots, i did second mid earlier yesterday. was late, ohh wells, stomach ache, can? sian. reached store, ct nakata was arranging the mugs and tumblers all. hajjar was at bar andand firmanshah was at POS. andand he 'oi!' me instead of other nicer words. so i got changed and stuff. opened the door, shoots. ariff was right infront of me. then i'm like 'why the hell there's so many partners so suddenly?'. lalalaaa. then ariff was like he's staying for fun. so, work was absolutely fun. of course! bubaaa. firman has clocked out butbut he keeps on wearing his apron andand be on the floor with me. how sweet. ct and hajjar went for breaks and so i thought firman was just tryna help out for awhile butbut nope. he actually stayed until i ended my work. andand best or what? shairul came almost at 5 for his shift andand he did the pre-closing for me. how sweet can these partners of mine be? ariff went to clean up the glass door, act like one big boss when he joined sb just right before me. urgh! ct did some scrubbing after shairul removed the mats to wash them all. andand i still remembered, at exactly 18o3, ct told me to clock out. andand i'm like, woaaaa! i mean, i'm not tryna insult her or something. butbutb normally if i were to end my shift like for example at 5, i'll be only clocking out like one-two hours' later. honestly, this is for the first time. andand ct, thank you okay? hmmmph. lalalaa. i don't wanna elaborate further. so after i've clocked out, i thought of making the drink that was specially customized by firman which he let me try earlier on butbut he told me its impossible because he finished up all his mentos. then i was like kinda upset thenthen what shocked me, ariff and shairul is that, firman took out his apron and went out of store. when he came back, like supa fast, he puts in two mentos inside the blender. lalalaaa. i looked at both shairul and ariff, andand they gave me this one shocking look back. sigh -.-' didn't expect him to go all the way out just to buy the mentos, just because i wanted to make it but couldn't. but anyhoots, i was seriously lost of words at that point of time. lalalalaaa. and so i heat up the chicken puff, went to the back and eat it. while eating, firman was like asking me, umm like are we taking bus or the train. and i was like..umm. god. i swear i don't even know what to say. he didn't even tell me he's gonna go back home with me. andand then i just came to realized at that point of time, he actually waited for me to end my work. andand then after some talkings, he went outside to help shairul out and even told me to eat faster. and yeaah, i didn't managed to finish up the puff. gave it to ariff. went to change, wash and soap my foots and hugs to them all. walked to bus stop as this firmanshah wanted to take bus home. ohhohh, he stays in nearby me, about 5bus stops away? cool right. firman, i really had a fun day at work yesterday all thanks to you. you just like calling me 'fidahdahdahdahdahdah tebabom!'. andand before we parted and all. never fail to say 'ape awak pandangpandang?'. cute or what. soso, it was a good day at work. no, great. no stress, no nothing. andand ain't working today. butbut yes to thursday and friday. pay, faster come. i'm craving for you! lalalalalalaaa.
anand ohh yeahh, dad just went off for work one hour ago meanwhile first sister just went out few minutes ago. brother and second sister are both fast asleep. ryan's outside the house, must be waiting for mama to reach home.i've got no plans today butbut fadil just texted me that we'll be having our first meet-up today. i mean, later on. sweet, now i shall start asking ct for wednesdays off, its practice time. lalalaaa. hopefully everything's will turn out just fine.
its o83o in the morning. i must diedie get myself to sleep before things get worse. i so the need my rest mann. alrights, i guess there's nothing much left to say/share. thank you for reading. takecare all! hugs. dahdah (:

you can take this heart, just don't break it or my world will fall apart.

#147

2010-02-12T07:15:00.004+08:00

hello my dearest readers. a veryveryvery goodmorning to all(:
it's o716 in the morning. i wanna thank acehh, so much. i was happily asleep andand his text message woke me up from o539 just bout less than 2hours' ago til now, i can't turn myself to bed. arrrh! butbut i shouldn't have complain. because my poor friends flooded my tagBoard. lalalalaaa. andand thank you acehh for the wish. awwww, supasupa touched! people andand friends, i appreciate of you asking me out on my big day. butbut i honestly don't feel like going out. yes, its like my 18th birthday. butbut, i just don't feel like celebrating. i'm very glad and happy that my friends has pampered me with those love and care, which i've lost from someone precious.

alrights, i wanna thank:

nurul -for the advance birthday gifts [top & necklace]
nanana -for the $5o
aref -advance birthday wish
dad for the $5o
sidek -for the advance birthday wish few days back [we shared the same birth date]
sabri -advance birthday wish and even sang for me inside the bus
rachel -for the advance birthday gifts [cookies and cake]
naneeh -being the first person to call and wish me [2359]
khairulshah -being the second person to call and wish me
[yeah, you're right. checked the phone and its exactly 24oo when you called]

to my dear friends from

damai primary school
chij st. joseph's convent
ite college central bishan
outside girl/guyfriends
who texted and wished me too.
wait, i haven't logged in to my facebook for a few days. will do that after done with blog.

* andand zuhrie, being the third person to call and wish me. special thank you to zuhrie, min, munir, am, andy and syawal for the wonderful supper. they fetched me under my void deck half an hour after midnight. headed to this 'teh tarik' near chongpang. gemok eat non-stop! hmmmph. after which we stopby near the 7eleven at northpoint, they wanted dessert, so am thought we could have ice-cream. too bad, no big tub ice-cream. so, we headed to some esso. bought. headed to yishun damp. supasupa sweet. we sit in circle. they place all the 7spoons on top of the ice-cream. like a replacement of a birthday cake. andand since there's no candle, somewhat somehow zuhrie's phone got this candle animation. he place it infront of the ice-cream tub andand they started singing. i was like lost. i didn't expect that luhh. the cutest part is when i have to blow the animation candle. lalalaaa. so, they smoke they talk we laugh and stuff. am and min gave a few jokes, funny ones. i didn't talk much because like i say, i just don't have the mood to celebrate butbut i appreciate their little thoughts. i was touched, honestly. like around 3plus, we headed home. they send me off first. andandand woaaaa, surprisingly my dearest bestfriend -zuhrie- send me til to the 8th floor. lalalaaa. seriously, when i told my sisters that zuhrie called me to wish me, they was kinda shock too. like i told him, for the past 6years on my birthday, he never once wish me exactly on my birthday. lalalalaaa. butbut anyhoots, a huge thank you to these 6guys. i wish akim, akim kecik, aidil, the other am and his gf and sister would be there too. lalalaaa. thank you zuhrie ♥ min, munir, andy, am and syawal for making fidahdah's big day a wonderful one(:

yayy'yeah. so, i've just turned eighteen today. but i still do feel like i'm seventeen or even better, seven. yeah, one year of age gap do counts. i'm a year older, but i think i ain't growing. lalalaaa. okay, don't laugh please. i wanna be taller. but i bet i won't grow anymore. i'm still standing at the same height. my friends who haven't met me for so long, okay, even for that one year, the first thing they see me, they'll be like 'omg dah, you're still the same!' -as in, the height the size. i heard these stuff every now and then, be it i meeting up with the old friends or even the new friends, they'll definately comment on my height and my size. i'm too short though. is there anything i can do or eat to be taller? at least o.5 more? lalalalaa. alrights, see what i mean? i'm still behaving likea seven year old kid. okay, i look like one though. eighteen eighteen, what shall my new mission/goal be now that the number seems to be bigger? lalalaaa.
one thing's for sure, i need a boyfriend. yes, single is good butbut two is better than one, right? i really hope i could meet with someone who's worth my love. i've been single for awhile, i'm kinda lonely. seriously, honestly i am. i wanna start afresh. i wanna be happy just like those happy attached girls out there! i've said, i ain't gonna turn back, i ain't gonna look into my past. he's gonna lead a happy life, don't i deserve to lead sucha life too? at least, he found my replacement. but me? lalalalaa. i somehow can sense someone in mind. butbut i'm not pretty sure. if he make that first move, i'll go for it, for sure. he's tall and i am so in love with his hair. okay, curlywurly kind. lalalalaaa. when he first approached me, i was like 'arrrrrrh! i need air!'. okay, its like a crush-at-first-sight ♥ i admit, okay? yadayadayada. build a fresh new relationship and be happier than the past relationships(: yayy'yeah! secondly, i wanna attend school soon! study hard for this coming 2years' course and get a better paid-job. will stick to the current job as a part-timer andand search for another job at the same time too. i'm bored stucking at home for so long. andand really need to save up, which i haven't even started yet. thirdly, i wanna make more time for my dear friends. meet them more often, compared to the random end of month meet-ups and stuff. bubaaa. since they're always there during my darkest moment, i wanna be there for them not just during their darkest moment, butbut every single moment. be it sad, happy, mad and stuff. fourth, be a stronger lady. accept the fact that certain things are meant to be andand just be strong to face them, even how hurtful it may be. i've been there, gone through everything, so, i hope i won't repeat my mistakes again. like goodgood only fidah? bubaaa. but hey, i'm doing this for real. doing this for my friends, my dadmama andand myself too. i believe mama and dad been talking about me. they've been asking me lately why am i being like this, why am i behaving this way and stuff. same goes with my friends. they hate it seeing me this way. i should be moving on. i shouldn't follow my heart too much. i hope, no more sleepless night no more teardrops no more sadsad fidah. i will try my very best from now onwards, alright?
anyhoots, i'm still unsure who should i go out with later. lalalaaa. should i stay home? or should i go out and have another celebration with another friend? tomorrow, naneeh book me already nohh. she's dating me out (: yayy'yeah! hmmmph. andand sunday will be working til closing. woaaaa, must be tiring. sobsob -.-' pay, faster come. i need cash. lalalaaa. wey, i am so craving for shushi andand i diedie wanna catch the 'valentine's day' movie. butbut i'm broke. quite a number of people ask me out, butbut i feel so bad wanting to say 'yes' to them. lalaalaa. shushi and valentine's day, anyone?

fidahdah is legally eighteen andand i need a boyfriend ♥ can?

#146

2010-02-11T18:35:00.003+08:00

all these while, my pure waits for him has gone down the drain.
the person whom i love wholeheartedly likes someone else.
they have known each other for a very long time.

way before he tried to get to know me.

yes, eventhough he told me that i am his first true love.

but what's the use?

they've been friends for years.

she came back into his life.

and now, he likes her.

i bet, she likes him too.

he's a nice guy, after all.

and i guess, there's no point of turning back.

i believe she'll be the perfect girl for him.

she understand him, not me.

she can make him smile, happy always, not me.

i can't beat her in anything.

nothing about me can be compared to her.

she's way better.

she have him in her hand now.

and his heart has been reserved and locked for her.

i don't wanna shed tears just because of you anymore.

thank you for bringing those unforgettable beautiful happiness.

thank you.

i shall not contact you anymore.

i promise this.

for real.

i really thought you were the one.

but today, i've realized.

someone who use to tell me how much he loves me,

someone who use to tell me how scared he was to loose me,

someone who use to tell me he would never leave me,

is really gone.
*k&n, all the best*

my boo, do you know how hurt my heart is?

#145

2010-02-09T23:13:00.004+08:00

fidahdah is currently down andand dude, give me time to get over this thing.

)_ _ _:

#144

2010-02-09T19:36:00.008+08:00

i wish that i could tell you how i really feel. i wish you could believe my love for you is real. all i know is, i ain't much without you. you really are the better part of me. wish that i could change the way things might have been. i wish we could start over and fall in love again. all i know is, i won't ever doubt you. i wanna live inside your heart again.

i can't go any further than this. i want you so badly, it's my biggest wish. i spent my time just thinking bout you. every single day. yes, i'm really missing you. andand all those things we use to do. hey boo, whats up? it use to be just me and you. you and i had many conversations on the telephone. you and i had many travellings and tourings around this small city. you and i had many unforgettable activities which we try out together. you and i had the best ever memories i could never imagine.

i can't believe you had the nerve to say the things you said. it hurt so bad that it ended our relationship. i can't believe it, eight months go down the drain. ohh how i wish things would happened so differently. i tried to save it so many times but you still couldn't see. you kept insisting that you know our love is out the door and resisting that you would not fall again. and now you trying to tell me that your sorry for all the hurt you've caused me.

i do wonder, did i loose my love to someone better? and boo, does she love you like i do? eventhough you didn't really admit that your falling for her, i can sense it. nothing about her can be compared to me. i'm just an ordinary girl, unlike her. she seems so special, so unique in your eyes. you seems to like her alot til most of your friends been talking bout her existence. if you really do like her, go for it. because like i told you, i can somehow sense it. you're behaving the same way when you like me back in 2oo8. i believe she's way better compared to me. i know, even when we were still together months ago, you already had feelings for her. i'm sorry i wasn't a good girlfriend of yours throughout that eight months. go build a new happiness with someone new, who you think can make you happy. not me. i can't give you the real happiness that you've been looking for. i guess she could? she seems like the perfect choice. your friends like her, don't they? i bet they do. yes, it'll hurt me. but boo, i've lost all my hopes on you. you ain't gonna come back to me anyway. whats the use of holding on?

yes, i do wish you would come back into my life, but all of that just seems so far away from me. i had to wake up and face the reality. it all just seem too good to be true after all you put me through. i had enough, its been a rough road. i bet you thought that i would be broken, tears streaking down my cheeks. devastated, out the door way. in a daze, a state of disbelief. i bet you would like seeing me get mad. but boo, i've already been there, done that. i'll be fine even if you leave forever. don't you know? that you were the one that made me strong. you made me stand up on my own. with every cruel intention, you helped me find my independence. yes, its all because of you, that i have the strength i do. to turn my pain to passion, instead of crashing. boo, i'm thanking you. thinking back on how you changed me everytime you tried to put me down. eventhough you really hurt me underneath, myself is what i found. because i've already spread my wings out. andand your the one who set me free. i'm thanking you for all the tears i cried out every single night for the past months, for all the sacrifices, for all the drama. because in the end, it made me stronger. so, trust me i'll be fine. boo, i will survive without you in my life. there's on thing i want you to know, that you were the one that broke this little heart. just by walking out of my life, you hurt me so much but i won't fall apart. i am moving on.

you're not worth the tears, you're not worth the heartache. you're not worth the pain, you're not worth the emptiness. i don't know why i wish you were mine again. could you explain to me, why?

fidahdah misses those days

#143

2010-02-07T22:43:00.005+08:00

lalalalaa. hellohello my readers(:
first thing first, i wanna thank dad for today ♥ he gave abang nanana nanano andand myself, 5o bucks each. lalalalaaa. i'm the first to received ♥ that small gift early this morning followed by nanana after that abang and lastly nanano. everyone's reaction was like exactly the same. dad gave each of them in my presence. cute nohh. ohhohh, the mcDelivery man just came to deliver the food. yayy'yeah. dad was hungry soso we ordered. poor mama, never get to join in. lalalaaa. anyhoots, i companied nanana to town just now. took cab to takashimaya. went to this 'stadium' shop. she need to change this Man U's top to a double XL instead. she diedie don't wanna let me see the price. butbut in the end i saw and i was like 'woooaaaaaa!'. that top is for her boify andand i was like .. unfair mann. hmmph. whatever it is, after which we headed to far east and she bought this handbag andand then we went to munchmunch this shop which sells ice-cream, sort of. nicey nice! then we walk around thenthen nanana say she hungry so we headed to es'teler andand had our dinner there. i didn't finish up my food though. thenthen walk about again. headed to wisma, bought this top from cotton on. andand another top from dorothy perkins. lalalalaaaa. omg! i am so into that checked top from esprit mann. but it'll cost me a bomb if i were to purchase that. bubaaa. so we headed to watson, nanana bought blusher and facial wash andand i bought eye shadow. okay, i don't really know why i bought it anyway. lalalaaaa. ohhohh, i called store this afternoon to ask about my schedule for this coming week. lalalalaaa. best! ct nakata put me to attachment only. wednesday will be doing opening at liang court andand sunday midshift at valley point. so my valentine's day will be celebrated at valley point. lalalalaaa. so i thought i'll be working for 2days this week butbut nope, ct nakata texted me while i was at town that tomorrow i'll be attaching at thomson plaza. GOD! i can work anywhere else except for tp. please mann. i hope i'll not be working with that dude, since he's the manager there. lalalaaa. only some people know why. brrbrrrr. so, after we're done at town, we headed to my store to take my shoes. and then took cab home. thank you ct nakata for giving me a long holiday for my 18th birthday. lalalalaa. i don't really need the days off. i wanna work know! butbut on a separate note, i am so glad that finally i won't be stuck at home! yayy'yeah.
so its 1121 at the moment. dad and abang is watching some soccer match on tv. i don't watch other matches except if Man U is involved. lalalaaa. nanana and nanano is both dead. bubaaa. ryan is still wandering outside the house, along the corridor. i'm still here though. haven't even touch my mcSpicy yet. ohh okay wait, nanano's phone just rang. should be her boify soso she came back alive just to talk on the phone with her boify. lalalalaa. as long as you're happy luhh okay nanano.

uhumm, so its the february month. andand i felt so tight. yeah. time really past kinda fast. okay no, supasupa fast i should say. i still can't believe that i've been living all by myself for the last 6months. i mean, no boify. lalalaaa. okay, i've to admit, i miss having a boify. won't it be great to have a boify? like, he can pamper me with everything. yes, just everything. like, at least there's someone who'll be your special person. you can count on that special someone in times of need and stuff. you know that you belong to someone. at least, there's someone to look after you to give love to spend any amount of hours with you regardless of the time to adventure places together travel to all sorts of places to try out new food new activities together. won't it be nice? like, he's your friend, your bestfriend, your brother, your father eventhough the fact that he's your boyfriend. lalalalaaa. i want boyfriend, can? hmmmph.

alrights people, i so need to finish up my burger andand head to bed after that. okay, i sound like i am so gonna put on weight like that huh? lalalaaa. nevermind, who cares? who wanna look anyway. i need to sleep because it'll be a long day at work later on. lalalaaa. *i am praying hard i won't be working with that dude*. lalalalaaa. ohhohh, happy belated legal eighteen to aan and fadee andand happy legal eighteen to asyraf too. okay people, thanks alot for reading! takecare alrights? hugs, dahdah(:

#142

2010-02-07T02:25:00.003+08:00

hello people. alrights, sorry! i'm online now. bubaaa. honestly, i can't bring myself to sleep. lalalalaaa. anyhoots, am so proud of Manchester United. ohh well, what can i say? they beat Portsmouth 5 to nil. see how powerful Man U is? yayy'yeah. gloryglory man united, okay dearest Man U(:

so right now i'm wide awake. surprisingly, mama is awake too. andand yeah, she's being like dad. asking me to sleep. abang's out with his dudes. nanana is out celebrating her boify's 27th. and i actually spied on her when her boify was downstairs. woaaa, supasupa long never ride bike already. lalalalalaa. andand surprisingly nanano came back home just now. i thought she totally forgotten that she have a house here. bubaaa. okay, thats so evil of me. so she came home, andand yada-yada-yada, tryna talk to me and stuff. sorry nanano, i ain't in the mood to chitchat with you. and so, dad andand ryan is both asleep. as usual, i'm wide awake at this hour. god. for three nights straight mann. lalalalaaa.

anyhoots, i managed to change my blogskin. yayy'yeah! i did it all by myself butbut one pathetic thing is that the 'past present future thing. its in the colour i hate so much! lalalalaaa. i don't know how to remove it neither do i know how to change the colour. like foooooook you know. butbut am happy that my blogskin is perfectly better now. i just need a little help with the pink colour thingy. urghh! irrit nohh.
its already the 7th of february mann. when is school gonna start? i don't wanna use adult fare anymore. lalalalaaa. soso, what else? and yeah, i miss people like naneeh dayah irah liza myra fatyn kakak shana eeda mira tinah felicia rach rachael jojo victoria nurul sery, etc andand even my cousins like kak lynda huda hidayah, my little cousins like yash shukri shobri syafiq. even my grannies too. lalalalaaa. i still do miss my primary school mates too. people, when are we gonna have our next reunion? lalalalalaa. i wanna have more outings from now onwards. i can make time eventhough i'm busy with work. okay people? just leave me text message or simply give me call, name the date and i'll be there nohh. looking forward to more outings (:

umm, why is it so excruciating to move on after a relationship ends? often, there is no immediate apparent rationale for the ending of a relatinship but even if there was, the need to detach from our former love and to move on with life is inescapable. i watched my phone, checked to make sure that it was on, cherished the messages he left me, re-arranged my life to suits his schedule. i know, i know that i don't need to go on any further. the fiery chemistry that happened in the beginning started to fizzle out after 6-7months. then on our 8th, he disappeared. gone. on the first couple of months after the break-up, i held out hope that he would miss me so desperately that he would call, beg for forgiveness and sweep me off my feet again. yes, he did call me every single day andand he did apologies andand he did told me to give him time. three more months and i was ready to be done with him but i kept wondering what i had done wrong. wasn't it real? the chemistry was real, thats for sure. the love was real too. miserable, i limped through my days unable to keep my mind off of him. by then, i was sick and tired of being sick and tired and set out to change my mindset. the techniques i used have now become a tried and true system for saying 'goodbye' to that past lover. i somewhat somehow have the courage to really face the reality. i came to realized that i should be moving on with life and not to hold on to things that aren't mine anymore. yes, facing the dacts, the reality, is so not fun. but facing the fact that i'm hooked on this guy is the first and most essential step. yes, i felt like as i'm so foolish. like no, i don't want to give up on him. but how am i feeling? empowered? strong? probably not. what i'll do is to look in the mirror and tell myself ;

'i do love him. but he doesn't want to be with me right now.
this really hurts and i hate it! i want to learn to let him go.
i want to think about what i want to think about and not about him.
i'm worth it.'

boy, its killing me. and i've had enough. i don't wanna think of you no more eventhough i admit, i miss you so much! if you really do love me, i'm sure you won't let me suffer this much. andand if you really do love me, still, i'm sure you will come back to me during the past 6months of our break-up. but, i am really sick and tired of this thing. i wanna move on now. and i ain't gonna bother you anymore. like i told you few days back, since its so hard, let's stop meeting each other and even better, never once contact me again. i was truly and deeply hurt by you. just continue beeing happy with your life, as you already did from the day you left me.

people, wouldn't it be nice if i could meet my Mr.Right and never have to be detach again? lalalalaaa. so, you've heard me. i'm done with my past lover. eventhough its gonna be hard, there's no harm trying harder and not to give up til i found the real man who'll appreciate my existence in his life, who'll accept me for who i am andand who'll protect and look after me with his warm, pure and sincere love. wouldn't it be nice? yes, i know that nobody's perfect but looking at the brighter side, i would love, for once and for the very last time, to be someone's girlfriend and never be detached ever again ♥
lalalalalaaa, its o417 in the morning. yada-yada-yada. must turn in earlier tonight! hey, seems like mama has gone to bed. didn't hear her voice at all. lalalalalaaa. okay, at this hour, i swear i'm craving for food. something to munch on. hmmph. alrights people, i will blog more in days to come. thank you for reading! takecare nohh. hugs, dahdah(:

#141

2010-02-06T19:00:00.002+08:00

hello my dear readers. guess what? i've changed my blogskin. andand yes, i destroyed the whole thing. my picture turns out to be this huge [above] andand the links is hanging up there andand poor post is stuck here. lalalalaaa. i think i need help from someone who is nice enough to help me out. anyone? leave me a text message if you could be of help, okays? yayy'yeah. so anyhoots, i stayed home the whole of yesterday plus today. mama and dad came back from market andand nanana came back from work, washed up and stuff andand off to their respective beds. lalalaaaa. andand i'm still here, stucked. ohhohh, nanana is going on a date tonight! yayy'yeah. with her boify. nanano has not been home for 2days straight. ohh wells, i used to be the her now last time too. she's been too busy with her boify ever since she met him. bubaaaa. whatever it is, i just hope that everything that has happend to me won't happen to her. butbut i tell you, she's been behaving like one kinda person i don't really know anymore. ohh wells, maybe perhaps this is her first true love, andand i shall just let her be as she already is. nanano, i just hope you won't come running to me crying in the near future, if, something strikes you. lalalalaaa. first sister and i had a talk last night. we were talking about nanano and boify. yeah. we've seen the positivities butbut the negativities, not yet. we were both thinking that what happens if her boify were to left her and stuff like that. how the fcuk is she gonna react, since its her first. yes, her boify's been good so far. butbut, thats how our ex-boifies used to behave too, at the start. lalalaaa, butbut we hope her boify ain't gonna do sucha thing to her knowing he's her first. bubaaa. so anyhoots, as i was saying. first sister's boify's birthday is tomorrow. yayy'yeah. they gonna celebrate it tonight. woaaaa! so tonight, yet again, both my sisters won't be back home. lalalalalaaa. fidah, jealous much? hmmmph. its okay. i shall bare with these stuff thats been happening. bubaaa. fidahdah, you should be happy for your loved ones since they're happy with their lives. lalalalalaa. okay people, stay happy.
sososo, tomorrow's sunday. god. staying put at home yet again. i shall check out next week's work schedule. lalalaaa. hopefully, more work and less home. i need cash because i wanna get that zen mosaic. $1o9 you know. andand i want to perm my hair too at the end of this month. should i? andand not forgetting naneeh's prezzie. yayy'yeah! now i'm working, so i should be getting prezzies for my dearest friends. ladies, when wanna meet up nohh? miss you 6 alot. andand dayah's phone is like .. i text and call million times butbut can't reach. lalalaalaaa. yah, i miss you nohh! where are you? hmmph. i've got nothing much to share. ohhohhh, tonight i won't be online. will be catching out man u's match. lalalalaaa. thanks for reading. yayy'yeah. takecare. hugs, dahdah (:

I think you still loved me but I was unsure then
So I ended it there thinking it was for the best
But instead it left me with a big hole in my chest

#14o

2010-02-06T05:42:00.002+08:00

morning to everyone(:

yet again, i couldn't bring myself to bed. and i hate this so much. bubabubaaa! anyhoots, its o544 in the morning andand everyone's asleep except for myself and dad. ohh god, dad has been keeping track on me lately. bubaaa. he wants me to sleep butbut every time he told me to, i'll say '5minutes!'. my 5minutes will turned out to be 5hours' later. but i really can't bring myself to sleep mann. alrights, so its saturday. andand i've got no plans. better not have one because i'm broke after the last date with nurul. lalalalaa. this month pay, i hope i won't overspend. andand a few people just reminded me that i'm turning a year older in 6days' time. i swear i was supasupasupa excited at first butbut as it gets nearer it feels like nothing. furthermore, i guess i'll be working on that day. andandand valentine's day is two days after my big day too. butbut too bad los, i didn't take off. i put myself as available though. haiyaa, no one to date. plus, its just a valentine's day, right? couples should be loving their partners every single day andand making surprises, giving gifts to their partners on any other days too, not only on valentine's day. bubaaa. its okay, i must prepare myself on 14o21o. once i stepped out of the house, i must control myself too. why? because, i bet from the moment i'm at the bus stop, in the bus, walking to the train station and even in the train andand definately when at work, i'll be seeing and serving a whole bunch of couples. with flowers, chocolates andand other gifts too. lalalalalaaa. still do remember how i celebrate my 17th birthday andand even valentine's day just last year. bubaaa. this year will be totally different nohh. butbut am happy that i've received advance birthday gifts from nurul syafiqah andand first sister. yayy'yeah! actually, i've got nothing much to talk about. bubaaa. afeeq just 'scolded' me on msn. he just came back from work andand again, he sees me still online at this hour. bubaaa. andand dad just knock the door asking me to sleep. i guess i shall listen to him, for once. nightmorning all. takecare nohh. hugs, dahdah (:

i would have done anything to get you back, whatever it would take
but I told myself no, it would only end in heartbreak
but still to this day, i sit here and wonder
if we were to end up together, will I go under?

#139

2010-02-05T06:31:00.003+08:00

a very good morning to all.

bubaa! its o631 in the morning. andand yupp, i haven't turn in to bed yet since i reached home 5hours' ago. my date with nurul syafiqah was a supasupa good one! we went to catch a movie entitled 'My Ex'. bubaaa! and pathetic, there's less than 1o people watching including the two of us. ohh wells, we don't even know its a ghost story. selenger or what? we thought it was some kind of love story and stuff butbut it wasn't. bubaaa. butbut anyhoots, the movie turns out to be a good one. its good for those jerks out there who can't stick to one. honestly, if i can make this movie into reality, i would do that to you. soso, after movie we headed for our bowling session. bubaa. andand i won! yayy'yeah. okay, i'm starting to like bowling. butbut rock climbing will always be my all time favourite! i wanna go rock climbing!! anyone? hmmph. alrights, so after which, we walk-about andand bubaaa! i kinda psycho nurul into buying the ripcurl cap. bubabaa. the day before, i psycho her into buying the 49.9o charles and keith's handbag andand the green forever21 dress. lalalalaaa. andand after which we headed to starbucks andand nurul had the oozee lava cake + tall dark mocha frappucino blended coffee. then we headed to esplanade area there. woaaaa! beautiful weather. soso, standard chatered. all my friends know me damn well. never fail to camwhoring. so we snapsnapsnap [ photos are all on fb nohh ]. yayy'yeah. loads of pictures taken. just too much but i uploaded the nicer ones. after which, we headed to new urban male shop. bubaaa. fuhyoo! cute or what that tall malay dude! nurul, he's been looking at me right from the first second i stepped into the shop, rightright? bubaa. alamak, cute to the max. cannot tahan! brrbrr. alrights so, nurul bought this red flipflop. woaaaa! fidah jealous. i want a new flipflop next month can? bubaaa. so, we took train to bugis. yeah, we can walk butbut nurul lazy oinkoink so we took train instead. headed for our sheesha. yayy'yeah. ordered food and drinks. nurul, you know i know luhh okay whatever happened while we were sheesha'ing. lalalalalaa. then headed home. it was a good day-out with nurul syafiqah. yayy'yeah. thank you nurul for every littlest thing. you've been great(:

so, dad just left for work a few minutes before i started blogging. mama went to polyclinic few minutes after dad went out. poor mama. she's sick. ohhohh, mama and i didn't sleep the whle night. she was doing the laundry. me? infront of this comp, uploading photos andand viewing people's blogs too. i didn't companied her to polyclinic because i was lazy. bad me? okay, fine. i'm sorry. bubaaa. but i'm seriously lazy right now. but no worries, i'm sure mama is strong. nanano at ana's house. boyfriend 24/7. nanana is in the bathroom right now, heading to work anytime soon. ryan and abang are still in their lalaaa land. its already o746 right now, andand i can't shut my eyes. baaaaaaah! i'm still fb'ing and staring into space once in awhile right now.

okay, so i'm not working today nor tomorrow nor sunday. three days? staying put at home? hmmmph. ain't sure. bubaaaa. actually, i'm supposed to meet up with felicia and rachel today butbut both cancelled. andand was supposed to meet jojo today since the two cancelled the outing. butbut i didn't get my sleep. i think i shall give it a miss andand make it up with her some other time instead. sorry jo! andand rachel darling, don't forget we must meet up this coming wednesday horr! yayy'yeah. miss my ij girls supasupasupa mush! and hey, how's my ladies doing, i wonder. ohhohh, i wanna take this opportunity to wish liza and boify a happy two years' anniversary! bubaaa. okay, be a better boify and girlfy people. treasure every single moment, please(:
people, i really am tired of this situation of mine here. i've removed the precious thing from myself and thank you nurul for buying me something simple yet sweet to at least, replace this thing here. i'm taking things slow to move on. i won't deny that this is still gonna be hard on me. eventhough i kept reminding myself kept controlling my mind to back off and stuff. i gotta be strong and push myself slowly. i can't be staying here, waiting for something that i know will never ever come back to me. i don't mind waiting because you did told me to 'give you time'. but it seems useless now. you're just treating me like any other girls out there. call me when you want. approach me when you feel like it. i don't feel the love anymore. i don't feel that special feelings from you anymore. it seems to have faded. just like that and then its all gone. even you, you're gone forever too. i still do remember when you told me you won't leave me, ever. but you did. i thought you were the one for me. i really thought you would leave me never. i thought you loved me so much too. but i was wrong. you've proven to me, today, that your just like those jerks out there. i'm sick of asking. i'm tired of waiting. i wanna lead a happy life. you looked happy with your life now, without having me there by your side, in your life. how come its so easy for you to do that? do you really love me when you told me you love me, right fom the start til the very last time? you told me i've changed you into someone better someone wiser. you told me since you met me, your life seems so better. but i guess it was all just words from your mouth. it doesn't lead to any serious talking. i'm tired. i really am. having sleepless nights having to cope with my everyday life without you by my side. 6months, these tears drops every night. 6months, these broken heart stays as it is, never allow anyone new to mend it. 6months, just because i miss having you here with me. you used to be part of my life. i'll wake up every single day smiling, why? because i'm happy to have you. but now, i need to remind myself that you're no longer mine. my phone doesn't rings every night. ohh well, i admit, it did rang. but its not you. well, sometimes it was you but most of the time, it wasn't. and eventhough sometimes it was you who called me in the middle of the night, my heart will just keeps on aching. because i'm talking to the you who's not mine. why isit so hard for me? i don't wanna do this anymore. it hurts me deep inside here having to bare with this condition for the past 6months. was i being a bad girlfriend back then? i just can't stop thinking. where's my biggest mistake til you're willing to leave me here all by myself knowing how deep my love for you is. right now, i am starting to take one step at a time to push myself forward and try my best not to look into my past, our past. seeing my friends my sisters and the people surrounding me happy with their lives, i do want a happy life too. i wanna put on those smiles like you're putting on your face right now. i wanna have those laughters that you're having right now, too.

alrights, sister just left for work. brother and ryan is still sleeping. mama aint back yet. i guess i shall head to bed now? thanks for reading people. takecare. hugs, dahdah (:

the greatest pain that comes from love
is loving someone you can never have

#138

2010-02-04T02:33:00.002+08:00

nightMorning everyone.

so, wednesday o3o21o -nurul syafiqah fetched me from my workplace. she received a free grande Caramel Frappucino Blended Coffee from me. jealous much? bubaaa. took bus to town. had our late dinner. andandand nurul, thank you so much for the two advanced birthday gifts given by you to me. yes people, my birthday is like a week later butbut i already received not one but two birthday gifts from one of my closest girlfriend. this whiteBlue top from forever21 andandand this silver necklace from chomel which cost like a bomb butbut she bought it andand gave it as my second birthday gift instead. andand those craps we talked and laughed about will always be remembered too! andand we both honestly misses our secondary school days. where we used to be with a few other girlfriends of us, andand not forgetting our two best juniors too. bubaaaa. so anyhoots, i really wanna thank dearest nurul syafiqah for every single jingling stuff she did just now. i ♥ you okay.
ohhohh, i was very angry with my partner, aisha, early yesterday morning. i die-die thought her shift starts at 2 butbut it starts at 1 instead. and thank you, i was late for work. okay so, it was my off day, officially, butbut aisha told me to cover her shift as she gotta something on. since i've got nothing to do, so i agreed. luckily, the attachment manager was nice andand didn't question me at all. so, i worked with shasha and the manager, liza. after which, closing attachment manager came in and so did ifa andand so did amran. bubaaa. hugs to liza and shasha when they went off. guess what? i've been working right from 28jan til o3feb. bubaaaa! i hope this month pay will be higher. i want more pay, please! ct nakata, i want to work more days andand more attachments please. pay not enough ley. i wanna shop more. my wardrobe is incomplete. i'm so jealous looking at my sisters' wardrobes. bubaaaa! so many stuff. too many, in fact. okay, enough talking. shall just work my very best andand the results will be shown. woohooo. i love my job!

and so, tuesday o2o21o -siti nurhidayah fetched me from my workplace ♥ yes, how lovely! having two people to fetch me after work in two days straight. bubaaaa! so on tuesday, i was late 9minutes. seriously, i don't know why butbut my habit of not being punctual is coming back. sigh. help! i mean, i've been coming on time for work like for quite a moment butbut now it seems like i'm late for work, every now and then. God. so anyhoots, i worked with ana. and shoots, there's iskandar and amran. okay. whatever it is, i had so much fun having to work with this ana. so cute luhh ana. she's about my height, but she's kinda heavier than me. yes, why? because she's married with kids. bubaaa! andand whats even cuter was that.. i'll be turning 18 on 12february andandandand ana will be turning 28 on 13february. cool right? bubaa. soso, work was arrrh! i don't wanna comment. butbut, was happier when firman came. mr nice guy(: i like! and so, hugs to ana and taptap to firman when i'm heading off. send my dearest dayah to her workplace, and then after companying her to change into her uniforms, and she headed for work, hugs to her and i went off to meet muhd zuhrie. this gemok ;bestfriend of mine is supasupasupa .. .. .. .. .. gemok gemok, tralalalaalaaa! ♥
i've been walking back home from interchange for one whole straight week. woaaaa! amazing uhh fidah. very amazing huhh? yeahyeahyeah. soso, currently nanana is on the phone behind me with her boify andand nanano is on the phone in parents' room with her boify too. sigh -.-' can hear both their conversations. arrh! i wish i was deaf for those hours of their 'iloveyou..youloveme' conversations. brother's asleep in his room andand dad's sleeping in the living room. how sweet can he be? he told us he don't wanna sleep on the bed all alone when mama's at work. andand standard chartered. here i am, at this hour, unable to sleep. heyhey, i swear i was super touched when nurul treated me to all those stuff! i have no one to pamper me anymore. i've to depend on my friends and more on my own self. sad you know. no boyfriend and no more pamperings. bubaaa. sobsob. i want boyfriend can? shudddup fidah! get yourself a life! yayy'yeah. i must do this for the sake of my dear friends. andand heyhey, i'm starting to get over all those stuff. ohh well, maybe i was certain i gave up on him, butbut when i see his face, i'll miss him, AGAIN. yeah. actually thats been happening all these while. thats why my posts are like.. one minute, okay. another minute, errrr.. i wanna control my mind but i can't. my heart is taking control of my mind instead. sigh -.-'
okay, i just saw something on fb. fcuk that jerk. its all running in the blood. why can't people just stay in that particular relationship? i mean, you start the relationship and you gave your partner hopes and your partner gave their all, fcuk it, they gave their ALL, and stuff like that and like you're the most amazing partner ever, and fcuk, in the end you left your partner, leaving them with choices which are all unaccepting ones. aren't you afraid of being hurt, yourself? arrrrhhh! irritating people. go and die luhh! why play with people's feelings? is this what you called 'LOVE'. you caught yourself a fresh pure fish and after some time when you're sick and tired, you throw them back into the sea? arrrhh! nabooooots. don't you have a heart? eyyy, get a life mann! why enter into our life when all you gonna do next is to walk away forever?
bubaaaaa! okay fidah, let's be strong and walk out of your old life. take one step at a time? show people the new you. for once. do it for those who really care for you and not for some people who pretend to not knowing anything when that someone knows that you are like this all thanks to his own self. naboots. fidah, just fcuking get over this fcuking issue. he's seeing someone. say Goodbye to him and fcuk you, move forward. you deserve to be happy fidah. where are all the smiles? the laughters? you don't need him to let those smiles and laughters to be shown. he left you, fcuk you, he did. he wouldn't have did so if he really do loves you. look at friends, they found their happiness. where's yours? go out there and allow someone new to enter into your life. the past will never come back. even if it does, it won't be the same again. you've millions of friends. loosing one person is nothing. for he don't treasure you, the pure sincere love you gave him, the happiness you've shared with him, those beautiful days weeks andand months you've commit yourself fully into that relationship, did he see it? nope. he's yet just another bigfat jerk. arrrh. nabooooots uhh.
soso, its o552 in the morning. daddy's gonna wakey up any soon. andand hell yeah, i've to turn in now before daddy question why i'm still behaving like this, yet again. bubaaa. alrights people. thanks for reading though. takecare people. hugs. dahdah (:

i went there, i saw us ?

#137

2010-02-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

heyhey youyou. bubaabubaaa. hello all(:

so, work was good today. of course, having to work with faliq andand fadhli just now. how nice(: thank you so much fadhli for helping me out with loads of stuff! yayy'yeah. ohhohh, guess what? i'm so the relieved after ct nakata texted me just now telling me that wednesday i need not report to work @ Thomson Plaza. phewwww! so i won't have to see that guy's face. i really hope after that day, i won't have to work with him again. never. so anyhoots, i really had fun working with fad fad fad fadhli! yayy'yeah. ohh, plus faliq. faliq looked like one mat already. he dyed his hair andand omg! faliq, go dye black back luhh! i was lecturing him all the way from the start til i'm going back home. he's a good looking man butbut the new hair colour somehow 'erkss!' me. bubaaaa. ended work at 6 just now butbut headed home 7plus instead. sososo, its 1252 in the morning at the moment andand i can't sleep just yet. bubaaaa. i'm working later. starts at 8 in the morning. luckily not opening! phewww! ohhohh, will bump into firman later nohh. bubaaa. talking about this firman, he's been treating me way different compared to the first few days he treated me. which is two-thumbs-up! yayy'yeah. so later, my opener will be iskandar andand ana. ooh lala, shall see how it feels like working with ana. so what time shall i wake up later on? i thought of coming earlier so that i can scribble on the comms' book while waiting for the clock to strike 8. should i? yeaaaah right, like as if you can wakey up that early huh fidah?

andandand i soooo don't know what time my eyes can be shut so that i can have my peaceful sleep. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh! i need my sleep. why can't i go to bed as early as i used to before? sigh. i really want the old me back. freaking out lately because i don't know whats up with myself. everyone at home is sleeping right now. sigh. andand here i am, every single night. ohhohh people, i saw this couple earlier yesterday on my way back home. ohh yeah, i walked home again. so anyhoots, it was just my luck that when i turned to my front left side, which was near the lift of this particular block which is just few blocks away from mine, i saw him pulling her closer to him andand gave her a tight hug andand believe it or not, she cried. ohh wells, i did hear her cries. bubaaa. omg! how i wish i was in that girl's position during that moment. having to have the guy to pull me close to him andand even gave a hug. a super tight one. God. much miss ..

my heart was taken by you
broken by you
and now it is in pieces because of you

#136

2010-02-01T11:37:00.004+08:00

morningmorning dearest readers(:

i just had my breakfast, which i'm not supposed to, because i'll tend to get gastric pain in return of eating early in the morning. butbut, i hope nothing will happen at work later. bubabubabubaa. ohhohh, first thing first, congrats to my dearest Manchester United for winning against Arsenal last night. it was superb andand i'm glad that we won. eventhough Man U only managed to score three beautiful goals, i believed that they could have scored more as you can see from yesterday's match. Rooney is a one strong and unbelievable man. i'm so into him, okays? bubabubaaa. so Man U, keep up your hard work andand go get the title! yayy'yeah!

anyhoots, yesterday, as being told, it was my off day. butbut yet again, my second sister called me and told me her store need a partner for closing. i swear i was super tired to work butbut i agreed since i had nothing to do at home. so yesterday afternoon, went to northpoint with first sister. andand she bought stuff from Body Shop. andand then she bought basket handbag, one for herself and even one for me. its okay, we can always share nohh. ohhohh people, i wanna take this opportunity to thank first sister for the fifty bucks which she gave me earlier for my advance birthday gift. bubabubaa. she simply told me she's kinda busy with work every single day andand may not have the time to look for my gift, so therefore the fifty bucks was given to me. awwww, nanana, you shouldn't have! honestly, i was touched. because for the past years, she simply wish me andand i received nothing from her, nor my other family members. sad right? butbut thats how its like. everyone will celebrate with their friends butbut not with the family. its been this way for the past years butbut i guess this year it has changed because last month was both abang and nanano's birthdays. andand we celebrated it by having supper as a family. andand now nanana gave me fifty bucks. bubabubaa. thank you nanana for the advance birthday gift(: so anyhoots, after which we went to cotton on andand i bought this shorts while nanana bought two tops. and then she headed home to change and went out. me? headed to my store andand took my work shoes andand went to nanano's store for work. bubabubaaa. it was one tiring night for me though. butbut once i reached home last night, i joined abang and dad in watching the football match. after the match ended, i washed up and went online and then around three in the morning i turn in to bed.

so i awaken by my manager's call this morning. freaking irritating luhh. he told me that i need to take stuff from northpoint's store before heading to work today. woaaaa! then i can't go back to sleep. so i woke up just to find myself all alone on the bed. poor mama. she slept on the sofa in the living room because i took the whole bed all by myself. so i woke up and did the bed then woke mama up and told her to sleep on her bed instead. bubabubaa. so here i am, in front of this comp. sigh. will be working later on. checked my schedule yesterday when i went to store. andand tomorrow will be working in the morning. arrrh! andand guess what? on wednesday i'll be attaching at Thomson Plaza's store til closing. only God knows why i don't wanna have attachment there. but what can i do? arrrh! ohhohh, not only God knows butbut most of my partners knew why too.

and so, i won't be working this coming thursday til sunday. yayy'yeah! will have a date with nurul syafiqah on thursday andand on friday will be meeting my felicia and rachel! bubabubaa. or maybe i shall ask the rest of my ij girls? hmmph. we'll see how. haven't even plan up with the timing and places to visit and stuff. lalaalala. ohh god, i just wonder what will nurul syafiqah get for me this thursday for my advance birthday gift! yayy yayy, i sooooooo love gifts! andand i just can't wait either to meet up with my ij girls! miss them like so effing alot! bubabubaaa. andand i'm so gonna hug rachel supasupasupa tight. thanks porridge for those words and sentences. i'm touched(: saturday and sunday? no plans. shall stay home, i guess? bubaaa.
ohh people, i've been going shopping for the past days butbut guess what? i bought the wants andand totally forget about the needs. my facial wash and deodarant. two most important items. bubaaa. andand i even forget to topup my prepaid. sigh. maybe later after work i shall go grab those two items from guardian or watson andand shall buy my prepaid too. alrights, its 1216 now. i gotta iron tops and bottoms andand have my shower and out i go. thanks for reading! hugs. dahdah (:

and with those last two words

a heart was broken
and two lives changed forever

#135

2010-01-31T01:34:00.003+08:00

hello readers.

i reached home at around 12midnight just now? i had a good day out with nani chipsmore! bahahaa. okay, she's my partner, a senior one, from my store. she's someone whom i'm closest with at store. helped me with loads of stuff! andand we gossip alot too. bahaaa. so anyhoots, once again, my second sister was being kicked out by mama in the morning. andand mama slept me with, yet again. bahaaa. thenthen i received two text messages. one from someone i don't wanna mention and the other one from nani chipsmore. she ask me out. which we did just now. so we meet up at dhoby and as usual fidahdah is always late and never early. sorry nani! then we booked tix for 'Tooth Fairy' at PS. then bought this top from cotton on. then we walked to bugis. bought this mini + super body fitting dress [ yayy :D ] andand this cute mini flipflop andand this little sling bag too. bahaaa. okay, million sorries to nurul syafiqah. was supposed to wait for this coming wed/thurs to watch 'Tooth Fairy' with her andand shop with her too, butbut i watched the movie already andand even shop without her. bubabubabubabubaaa. i'm sorry, i just can't help it but shop. no worries nurul. i'll shop a bit more on our date okay? andand how sweet can she be. she promised to buy me something as my 18th prezzie on our date. yayy! nurul, i want dress can? thank you(: okay, i'm like so can't wait for our date. its been a supasupasupa long time already since we last had a whole day outing! okay anyhoots, after bugis, we headed back to dhoby, rushed to buy our popcorns and nachos and drinks too. into the cinema. we was late for about 1o minutes? alright, so the movie was super damn funny. i would grade it 8.5 out of 1o. nani is soooooo the cute. she clapped her hands how many million times i don't know, whenever she wanted to laugh her ass off. so after movie, we rushed to take the train. we was late for the small gathering! bubabubaa. reached yishun, andand there's nia, shasha, fadhli, fanana and shab. the rest missing! hugs to all andand hairul reached about 1o minutes later. we chatted we gossiped we laughed and stuff. sorry people, i didn't talk much. still processing into this fresh new friendship. butbut i had fun though. andand hairul thanks for treating me to dark mocha frap(: boohoo. so after much talks gossips laughters jokes blablablabla, we walk out of macs andand they went smoking. after which we headed home. hugs to nani fanana fadhli and shab. walked home with shasha nia hairul and shasha's friend whom she bumped into, hajjar. bahaa. shasha and nia sleeping over hajjar's house which is quite near my house. hugs to them all before we seperated.

so i reached home and the house was fully dark. poor thing. no one's at home except for first sister, sleeping in the room andand ryan was lying on parents' bed. bubabubabubaaa. headed to parents' room and called mama. i ask where is she and dad and she told me they will not be home tonight. then i'm like 'wooooooaaaaa!' when i asked her what are they doing andand she answered 'honeymoon' andand that sound so 'woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!' bubabubabubaaaa. and so, i just told her to have fun andand takegoodcare of herself and dad too. alrights and so after which, i sat on their bed andand about 15minutes later or so, second sister got home from her whole day outing with abang ayul. bahaaa. i showed her what i bought and she was like ... bubabubabubaaa. ohhohh, my mini super body fitting dress caught her eyes! andand i swear i can't wait to wear it. and then i had my shower and went online. bubabubabubaa. andand i shall wait for later afternoon, call up store to check my schedule for this week. i'm not sure whether i'll have this wednesday thursday and friday off or not. might be meeting felicia and rachel this friday! yayy! hopefully will really get to see them both. much miss! my ladies? i don't know when i'll get to meet them. same goes with my girls too. sigh. rarely contact and we only get to meet up once in awhile. miss all my friends already. andand bestfriends too. i miss my dayah and my zuhrie too! talking about zuhrie, he's running away from me. i don't know what i did butbut he eventually changed. please okay, i don't wanna loose sucha bestfriend like you. i still want our friendship to grow. it has been 6years now andand i can't loose you. i need you in my life, okay?

so its like o4o8 in the morning. i'm still blogging and fb'ing too. everyone's asleep. ohh wait, brother's not home yet too. i can't sleep just yet. i'm tired i'm exhausted but i can't shut these eyes. bahaaa. for the past few weeks, this has been happening to me. sadly to say, my eyes won't let me sleep. arrrrrrrrrhhh! i wanna sleep, please.

did i ask too much?
more than a lot?
you gave me nothing at first
now it's all that i've got
we're one
but we're not the same
well, we hurt each other
then we do it again
you say love is a temple, love the higher law
you ask me to enter
but then you make me crawl
and i can't be holding on to what you got
when all you've got is hurt

#134

2010-01-29T23:04:00.003+08:00

hey all(:

i've just washed up and had my meal of the day. its like already 11 now. its a supasupasupa tiring day for me. honestly. the 5o% event in my store just now was like woaaaaaaaaa! the queue was like from the main entrance door to the mr bean shop. bahaa. shasha and sharipupp was at POS. poor firman was put at frap. ariff at bar. myself and nadiah at pastry corner. bahaa. ct nakata, our store manager, andand the new manager, iskandar, was in-charge of calling out the beverages to customers. ohhohh, faliq help firman with the fraps first while waiting for the three partners from US who's supposed to come eariler but all three came late. anyhoots, everything went smoothly. butbut those freaking irritating customers who just can't decide their mind what they want before ordering. yes, we don't mind if you need a few minutes to decide what to order and stuff butbut you're just making our job worse by coming back andand wanting to add this that and all. arrrh! irrit you know?! hmmph. but i'm glad, its all over! yayy! went home with shasha and nani. sharipupp was fetched by her boify. aisha went home with nadiah. fanana stayed to help out firman syairul and fadhli with closing. woaaaa, three dudes doing closing. iskandar and ct nakata was busy in the manager room at the back. reached yishun. both nani and shasha withdraw cash andand they companied me to buy CHEESEBALLS. yummy! then hugs to shasha, she need to rush for her dikir barat's practice. then walk nani to this spot near northpoint, her 'ttm' fetched her there. its her first time stepping into yishun. bahahaa. wooooosh! nice scramble dude. hugs to nani. then i walked home.

great. i've been walking home alone, okay except for last wednesday, from monday til today. actually its better to walk home rather than taking the bus which is only 3 pathetic stops to home. bahaa. i swear i never did this. i mean, walking home this often. bahaa. maybe from now onwards, i shall do just that? then it can help me loose these fats here. bahaaa.

andand people, i wanna take this initiative to apologize to someone. or perhaps two. i'm sorry i didn't face the reality. i was in my own world that i forget i still have them both andand my other friends eventhough i've lost one person. ohh, my mistake. i didn't loose him. he lost me. i was trying too hard. i was only punishing my own self by doing this. i've just realized. i need to wake up from my lala land, andand see the real world. that not everyone can be happy. not everyone can lead the same life. its pointless if my mind and my heart is thinking of him but his heart and his mind wasn;t even thinking of me, right? i'm sorry people. i'll push myself harder. eventhough you're my first and you told me too, that i'm your first. but whats the use of being your first when i can't be your last, right? if he's really meant for me, he'll come back. but if he never returns, then he'll never will. okayokay, enough please. i swear i really need to pull my socks up and fucking get over all these stuff. a few posts before this, i have said that i will tend to get jealous seeing couples right before my eyes. i can't do anything to that jealousy feeling right? its 2o1o, its few days to february andand i'm growing a year older. andand i really wanna change into a new me. i want to clear my mind and my heart from having someone inside so that i can let someone enter this mind this heart of mine. someone who'll really see my true pure sincere love. i really hate seeing people come and go as and when they like. its so easy for them to say the three word eight letters. andand even easier to say the one word seven letters too. okay look, i'll try harder alrights? andand to these two people, i'm sorry yea? i was too coward to let go of my past that i didn't realized that its gonna bring me nowhere. forgive me )_:

family's been fine too. butbut abang's the same. still unemployed. sigh! i know its not easy to find a job now a days. butbut abang, please. don't just give up, you're 27 now. mama need your help. i honestly pity mama. arrrrrrrh! it felt so awkward, i'm telling you. having 5 out of 6 people in the family working andand the awkward thing is that i belong in the 5 instead of the only one not working. brrbrr. abang, please get a fcuking job asap! so that mama dad and nana will have lesser burden. when i asked you yesterday, you told me 'soon'. sigh. i really hope your soon is like real soon. better be horr abang!

andand nia just texted me. one of my partner from store, shasha's sister. we gonna have a little gathering tomorrow's night before hairul's off to NS. bahaaa. yayy'ness! can't wait for this thing. ariff gotta go too this coming february. so we're left with firman fadhli amran iskandar and syairul. bahaa. two strong partners are going off soon. sigh. andandand ct nakata, i want more attachments please! i wanna work more hours more days! brrbrr. i soooooo love my job nohh(:

i need you because i love you .

#133

2010-01-28T04:49:00.006+08:00

Love begins with a Smile
Grow with a Kiss
Ends with a Teardrop

there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still lingers, and your whispers softly echo. its the place where a part of you will forever be apart of me.

#132

2010-01-28T03:58:00.003+08:00

okay, its o4o8 in the morning andand i still can't get myself to sleep. i've been browsing and reading friends' blogs andand viewing photos from people's facebook and stuff. jealousy yet again. arrh! andandand it reminds me of old times. what's wrong with me? get a life norafidah! what the hell is wrong with you? face it, you %#$@&*^# !!!!! take out this thing and move on !!!!! give others a chance in getting to know you! fuck you. you can't even do a simple job like that? arrrhh! i wanna get a new number andand fucking remove people from my past and fucking live on with fresh new start. a fresh new me. just erase those people who used to exist in your life before 2o1o. yes, they used to give you happiness but fuck them, they never think of you when they left you! they don't even realized the pain you've been facing since the day they walked away! let those good times remain as memories and think of the day they left you all alone without having the thought of how fucking lonely you gonna be and how fucking painful it is seeing them walking away! be it a day a month or even a year you and those people has been together, just forget about them. i can't carry on being the existing me. fuck yourself fidah. what the hell do you think you're doing? your friends are hating you for doing this to yourself! some are even showing their angers to you by not talking to you anymore. they wanna see you happy. prove to them that you can be as happy as them. arrrrh! i shall really take one step at a time, from now onwards. i promise a fresh new me. i promise. fuck it. i really wanna do this. remember that you've given your all to them. and fuck them. they enjoyed those moments and fuck them for leaving you after all those shits happened. fuck you, i hate you. fuck you, leave me alone. fuck you, stop texting and stop calling me. you've got all that you want, now get lost with those girls whom you told me you've never once touch. if they are so good in your eyes, if they're so pure in your eyes, unlike me, just get lost with them. since you're happy and gonna be happier with them, unlike being with me, just go. never once think of me because you've already had your share. i don't wanna shed anymore tears and i fucking don't want my mind to think of you and my heart to love you anymore either. i wanna move on just like you do. you've already found your future replacement, now, allow me to find mine too.

#131

2010-01-28T01:45:00.003+08:00

nightmorning to all.

bahaa. hello(: i just got home from work. okay, basically not from work butbut from mcDonald. bahaa. first thing first, i wanna thank abang ayul for helping me out with closing andand for the treat to supper! yay'ness. how sweet can he be? bahaa. alrights, as being told, i did closing with sister just now. andand her boify came down and help us out. yayy! ain't that sweet? then after we're done with closing, we had to pack the muffins for tomorrow's 5o% thingy in my store. while packing the muffins, hairul came. luckily he came, because at least ayul got company. bahaa. after the store's locked. we walked to the train station. took train home. andand ayul can't be any sweeter. he dropped at our place, ohh yeah, hairul lived a few blocks away from me. ayul's living at jurong. nano said he wants to send us back home. before that, we went to macs and had our supper. andand nano's boify treated me like princess. well, even if he's not, but i just felt like he is treating me like one. even nano told me that her boify wasn't that nice when i'm not around. bahaa! we laughed alot in macs. of course, with all the lame jokes crack by both hairul and ayul. god. i swear, its hilarious! then we headed home. so sweet, looking at my sister and ayul. i walked infront of them, like duhh! they wanted to hold hands. i should have taken the bus home and let him walk her home so they will have their time alone. yeah, i should do that just now. butbut since its over, its okay. maybe next time? bahaa. i'm happy seeing nano so happy. bahaaa.duhh! its her first. nano, i am glad you're super happy with your love life, ohh wells, your first love life i shall say. bahaaa. i hope you won't make the mistakes i did. aiyooo, ayul is old enough to think right? not like my ex boyfies. sigh -.-' whatever it is, i'm just hoping that whatever strikes me won't strike both my sisters, nor my friends. but so far, all of their boyfies been really good to them. i hope it'll stay that way even if i ain't around andand even in the near future. all the way people (:

okay, i admit it. i was jealous! baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh! i've been walking alone all the time. i went out with my girlfies, they'll be like walking with their hands on their boyfies'. andand i'll be like.. one pathetic loner! i'll be either holding on to my phone or both my hands inside my pockets. i'm honestly happy for them, my friends my sisters. butbut, at the same time, i was wondering and i kept asking myself, why can't i be as happy as them? if their boyfies can do that, why can't mine? i'm not asking much. i just want your true pure love. well, maybe perhaps i was asking too much from my boify? and i didn't realized? then, if i was asking too much, why can't you simply tell me? yes, you don't wanna hurt me. butbut if you didn't voice it out to me, then i'll keep on being the 'asking too much' me andand poor you have to bare 'those hard feelings and stuff'. which is sooooooooo bad in every single relationship. til today, i am honestly jealous seeing couples walking talking laughing kissing giggling ticklish each other joking with one another hugging andand even if they stare into each other's eyes andand even if they fight, i will get jealous over those stuff. every single thing i saw with my eyes that a particular couple is doing, i'll get jealous. i just miss having a 'him' in life. i just miss having a 'him' right beside me. i'm missing those stuff i used to do together with that 'him'. i know, being single is not a bad thing. butbut, i simply miss having a boify. to be there whenever needed. to share those happy sad angry funny not so sad not so funny not so happy not so angry moments. people look at me, and their first thought was 'okay, she's taken!'. why? because i'm wearing this stuff here. and there's even a name on it. i know, the first thing you people will comment is 'then why the hell am i wearing it, still?' right? andand most of you would want me to take this thing off and live on. especially my close friends andand even my sisters. okay, simply there's two reasons. one is that, i don't want a single person to walk towards me and start talking to me. you know i know what i'm tryna say. i know i said i wanna move one andand why the hell i don't want this to happen is because i don't think its really the right time just yet. i want them to look at this thing here from far and they would change their mind from walking towards me and start a conversation and blablabla. it has happened quite a number of times when this thing was somewhat 'broken' for one-two months and i wasn't able to wear it. andand earlier this year, i managed to 'fix' it andand wore it til today andand just realized that people do notice that i'm 'attached' so they could only give me a smile whenever our eyes catches each other's. bahaaa! andand secondly, i'm so use to wearing a necklace on my neck. andand i don't have any other necklaces. so if you want me to take this necklace off, thenthen just simply buy me a new one and i'll put it on as a replacement. just a nice silver yet simple looking one will do. i don't fancy those huge and weird looking ones. bahaaa. fair enough? and hey, i really do wanna move on okay. don't say i'm just giving excuses, that i don't wanna take this necklace off and stuff. whatever it is, this precious thing here really protect me. yuppyupp. when i'll be able to move on? please, don't ask me that. i simply don't have the answer. at times i do hate myself. butbut, i simply don't know when to start and where to stop, you see? i know my friends are all mad at me for not living on with my life. butbut i just don't know what's wrong with me. i wanted to but i simply çan't bring myself. friends were there to help me, they've help me enough. i don't wanna trouble them no more. its simply hard. fuck it luhh. every single day i talk about relationships about moving on. but what the hell am i doing? i really wanna move on and be happy with my life. i want a happy life. i really miss my old self. i don't wanna get jealous whenever i see a couple right infront of me. i hate it! i wanna be strong. i wanna be independent. where is the old me? where? i don't wanna be like this anymore. but what i should i do? where should i start? running away is not the solution. it hurts even more. i wanna move on but i'm not ready to have someone new just yet. so how? fidah, get your mind and heart right, please.

someone please come and save me from myself )_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _:

it's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does

#13o

2010-01-27T13:51:00.003+08:00

afternoon people.

guess what? i think i was too exhausted that i slept for 19hours from last night til 12 in the afternoon just now. andand i slept on parents' bed andand poor dad! he slept outside instead. bahaaa. i have all the huge bed to myself. ohh wait, nope. my second sister joined me in the morning, i still remembered. andand when mama's home, she wake my sister instead of me. thenthen i sleep all the way with mama til 12 in the afternoon. bahaa. mama, thank you because you kick nano out instead of me. i swear i had a gooooooooooooooooooooooood sleep last night(:

ohhohh, i guess i should be exhausted yesterday because i did a great job by upselling the pastries! bahaaa. i sold most of the food displayed. honestly speaking, it was my first time being able to like upsell the food. bahaaa. andand i admit i was super tired. andand the new manager make my day even bad. he extended my hours of work. i was supposed to clock out at 2 butbut he extended 2hours more. god, i feel like dying. i mean, i don't mind extending butbut he should take the initiative to tell me, right? andand please, stop being sooo the urggh! faliq and firman was damn annoying luhh. bahaa. working with two tall and good-looking dudes was like %^$&*###^&**(%#@! butbut they make my day though. andand you know, i will tend to like stare into space whenever there's no customer andand these two dudes keeps on irritates me, in a good way. bahaaa. andand faliq caught this necklace which i was wearing. andand he was like 'i know i know, the other is with him right right right?'. andand he'll be like 'you're already taken somemore you wanna deny that you're taken.' and i'll be like 'arrrgh!' i've told them i'm not taken and stuff and faliq will be like asking me why the hell am i wearing this necklace then. then i went speechless. sigh! so yesterday after i clocked out, and i've changed and stuff. before i headed home, i simply said 'the person who have this other half of the necklace is gone from my life'. and suddenly they turned into someone so the opposite of them. i simply don't understand why people just can't believe that i am single. why must they think a girl like me is attached? most of my partners at work thought that i'm attached. they say, one look at me, and they believe i'm taken whereas the fact is that i am so not taken. maybe its already a common thing when you look at someone whom you don't know and you'll have the thinking that they're taken. bahaaa. anyhoots, i'm glad i met new people like these two dudes. they really do make my day yesterday! right from the beginning they've been asking me to smile, smile and smile. i was too tired to even bring out a smile. bahaaa. butbut they ended up making me burst out to laughters instead. andandand sadly to say that i just found out thatthat michael won't be working with us anymore. i'm super sad. yes i am. because of him, i passed my bar test. andand now he's gone. sigh! mike, do dropby often in the future. pay us some visits. i'll miss you ):

anyhoots, today and tomorrow will be my off days. butbut sharipupp just texted me just now to help cover her closing shift today. bahaaa. i thought i will have a good rest at home today butbut since sharipupp is sick then i'll just help her out. god. doing closing with my sister! sigh. last monday just did opening with her and today, closing. ohhohh, andand we've got alot of stuff to do. packing food for this friday's 5o% off thingy. bahaaa! another tiring day.

ohh yeah, will be having our fidayah's date this saturday. yayy'ness! i don't know what to wear just yet. we'll be heading to sentosa in the early morning andand lots more! bahaaa. yah, i simply can't wait nohh. well, i hope it will turn out good(:

andand i swear i miss my ladies -irah naneeh mye kakak liza and fatyn, my angklung girls -eeda mira tina aisha, my shana, my nurul, my rachel porridge, my felicia, my art girls -jojo rachie rongrong melanie tasha rouying, my whole lot of 1C 2B 3B andand 4B girls too! when are we gonna meet and have our time to catch things up and stuff? ):

alrights, shall not waste anymore time. gonna iron tops and bottoms for work! takecare people. dahdah (:

*still trying